Yes, I had a HOLY COW! moment today. It wasn't one of those moments where you are amazed at how profoundly good everything came together either. It was a moment where I said, you mean I am all screwed up?! I will admit to feeling some genuine surprise and this shocks me a little. After all, I am the one who wishes to form a ministry dedicated to helping people understand that we are all fallen, broken individuals and call it Knucklehead Ministries. I am the one who often sits and chuckles over the latest thing I have misunderstood, put my foot in my mouth over or just plain messed up. And those are the ones I got wrong that I think are funny.
So imagine my shock when today listening to a seminar by John Townsend and Henry Cloud, authors of the Boundaries series, when they described a behavior that was unhealthy and I recognized myself. I will admit that up to that point, most of the day in fact, when they described behavior that wasn't healthy I recognized some of my friends, co-workers, church members. Some of them were sitting in the room and I wanted to say, "hey, do you get they are talking about you?". But then they described folks who are goal oriented (surely this is a good quality) with perfectionist tendencies (hey, I said I was a knucklehead. I just want to be a very good knucklehead. Okay, the best knucklehead ever) who need to be in control all the time (oh yeah, like this is a big surprise) as co-dependent. Co-dependent. This is a bad definition my friends. On what am I co-depending? I don't know, but I intend to discover and stop.
I might have been an emotional mess had I not run into a very dear friend who looked at me in horror and said, "they said everyone has issues. Do you think I have issues?" God bless that woman. I hope she is right now basking in the glow of knowing she made my day. I told her she didn't have to acknowledge any issues if I could deny the co-dependency thing. Only down side to that was John Townsend said if you fell into the no issue category he wanted you to stand so everyone could see an example of denial. You know my answer to that? I know it's denial. I wish to remain here. In fact, if one does NOT deny denial does that negate the whole thing?
Bet he didn't think of that, did he?
I learned so much today that is useful. I learned that it is okay to fail, to grieve, to acknowledge losing something. All of those things allow us to let go of something so we are ready to receive something else. I also learned that there is an art to receiving that I am very poor at practicing. This is an injustice to me and to others. And I learned that like it or not, and I don't, I am not going to get it right every time, maybe even some of the time. Starting over again isn't fun but it's the best option and knowing that God's grace meets us at each start is a gift and a promise. As for the other co-dependent stuff, I guess the first step to fixing something is acknowledging it is broken. Look out world, I have a note pad with instruction and I am not afraid to use it.
And to my friend wondering about the issues: honey, of course you have issues. They just look good on you.
So imagine my shock when today listening to a seminar by John Townsend and Henry Cloud, authors of the Boundaries series, when they described a behavior that was unhealthy and I recognized myself. I will admit that up to that point, most of the day in fact, when they described behavior that wasn't healthy I recognized some of my friends, co-workers, church members. Some of them were sitting in the room and I wanted to say, "hey, do you get they are talking about you?". But then they described folks who are goal oriented (surely this is a good quality) with perfectionist tendencies (hey, I said I was a knucklehead. I just want to be a very good knucklehead. Okay, the best knucklehead ever) who need to be in control all the time (oh yeah, like this is a big surprise) as co-dependent. Co-dependent. This is a bad definition my friends. On what am I co-depending? I don't know, but I intend to discover and stop.
I might have been an emotional mess had I not run into a very dear friend who looked at me in horror and said, "they said everyone has issues. Do you think I have issues?" God bless that woman. I hope she is right now basking in the glow of knowing she made my day. I told her she didn't have to acknowledge any issues if I could deny the co-dependency thing. Only down side to that was John Townsend said if you fell into the no issue category he wanted you to stand so everyone could see an example of denial. You know my answer to that? I know it's denial. I wish to remain here. In fact, if one does NOT deny denial does that negate the whole thing?
Bet he didn't think of that, did he?
I learned so much today that is useful. I learned that it is okay to fail, to grieve, to acknowledge losing something. All of those things allow us to let go of something so we are ready to receive something else. I also learned that there is an art to receiving that I am very poor at practicing. This is an injustice to me and to others. And I learned that like it or not, and I don't, I am not going to get it right every time, maybe even some of the time. Starting over again isn't fun but it's the best option and knowing that God's grace meets us at each start is a gift and a promise. As for the other co-dependent stuff, I guess the first step to fixing something is acknowledging it is broken. Look out world, I have a note pad with instruction and I am not afraid to use it.
And to my friend wondering about the issues: honey, of course you have issues. They just look good on you.
No comments:
Post a Comment