Well, it's the wrong kind of weekend. I am at home, but I am supposed to be in Kansas City. I am taking care of loose ends and working on a church wide event for Sunday, but I am supposed to be in class. I am eating dinner with family and watching a movie but I am supposed to be in class and eating with colleagues. While the weekend looks to be nice, it's the wrong kind of weekend.
What makes it the wrong kind of weekend is that my plans are being adapted. This is not my favorite activity. I like my life to follow the course I have pre-selected and move in the manner that seems wisest to me. To not follow through and complete my course work as I am expected to do is just about on the same scale as stealing or lying or turning in someone else's paper. I am unhappy about this and I have watched the clock periodically today saying to myself, now we would be in class, now I would have a break. Wonder if they will break for dinner or shorten dinner so they can finish a little sooner. There is a Borders there that I love to visit when I am in town. I am grieving it's loss though I have more books than I can read and several perfectly wonderful bookstores here. Wonder if Darrell will work in the name of his theological seminary early into the discussion or wait to the end of the day. I hope Elgin misses me and Carly. Would be sad if the other out of towners failed to notice my absence. I am annoyed.
Yet if you paid attention in the first paragraph, I told you I have a perfectly lovely weekend ahead. I have dinner and a movie with family tonight. I get to see Sam the man play basketball on Saturday. I will have hours I didn't anticipate having to get ready for a church wide dinner on Sunday and the work week so I don't have to start Monday in the hole as I usually do. Why on earth would one be annoyed with this plan. It is remarkably foolish and I am speaking to myself sternly.
The fact is, it isn't what I am having that annoys me, it is what I am missing. And not only what I am missing but why I am missing it. The weather made travel unwise so I had to change my plans. This plan change is not the end of the world, it is not even the end of a moment, career or relationship, but it is a very good example of who is really in charge on my coming and going. I have bent the knee to the change but I have kept the attitude. This is also foolish.
I could have forced my will. I think God would have let me do that. I don't know if He would have blessed the effort or if I would have ended up in a ditch or worse, but He did not hold me against my will at home. He made it perfectly clear it was unwise, through the news media, through the roadway people, through friends along the way who know what is going on in their end of the world and through the wise counsel of friends. Yet, the choice to listen remained with me. I choose to listen. Why would I rob myself of the victory there by maintaining an attitude that robs me of joy. Too foolish for words.
So I am putting down the 'bucket' and laying aside my frustration. I am intentionally choosing to let go of the annoyance so I am embrace the joy and I am going to celebrate the plan that wasn't my plan but is a better plan. I am trusting that my friends will take copious notes and share with me their insights and that God will bless those so I receive the information I need to benefit from the class. God is sufficient, I am arrogant and foolish. This can be remedied and I think I know the prescription.
It's back to the drawing board for me. But maybe not quite as far back as I used to go. It's going to be a great weekend.
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