I had a moment this week. I will admit I also needed it to be a moment and prayed without ceasing that God would make it a moment. Well, really that He would either make it a moment or give me the grace to deal with it not being a moment. I am well aware that God doesn't take direction from me. I also know that He is kind enough and loving enough and gracious enough to allow me some input.
The day did not start well. I woke up with my head packed solid with something that was soooo heavy that I could not force my eyelids open. I found that sitting up was not really wise and this created a problem because after all it is very difficult to drive to work without sitting up. I have mastered driving with my eyes closed (use the force, Luke) but I have these lovely bucket seats that require you to be in a sitting position.
Overcoming this issue, I made it into work to have the dreaded meeting. I knew the meeting was coming. I had gotten an email that indicated a few minutes of my time was required to take care of an issue. I am wise beyond my years. I am aware a few minutes translates to an hour and issue translates as 'girl, you have screwed up again'. I was not looking forward to this dreaded meeting. So much so that I toyed with the idea that perhaps I should maximize the head and use it as an excuse to avoid the meeting. I had asked several people to pray, I myself was praying and still I expected the meeting to be bad and the conversation bad for my blood pressure.
I must confess that these meetings do not usually psych me out so much. Lately it seems that some of the on going squabbling in the family has gotten beneath the armor and got into my flesh and left a little poison. Not lots of poison but enough to make me feel a little anxious, a little vulnerable, a little overwhelmed. I felt that I was going into battle in a weakened position and my prayer very specifically was that God knew my condition, that He would either give me the strength to respond as I am called or make the response unnecessary. I prayed before the meeting, as the meeting started and as the words were being formed. It started okay, went down hill with great speed and I began to pray with more desperation.
Just when I thought I would make no headway at all the tide turned. All of the sudden the attack stopped and the vulnerability started. I felt the click and the minute I did, I was completely free to respond as a person does who is gently handling a broken bone. I could handle with care and love freely without fear of the teeth marks that might be left behind. God answered the prayers with such abundance that I was filled to overflowing with His love and not only did I survive the dreaded meeting, I began to notice that the effects of the poison were lessening. Today I notice even more recovery and I am blessed again to see the way God rewards faithfulness. Why on earth do I wrestle with being faithful when I see the results?
Boldly experiencing the answers to prayer, I looked out into a congregation during worship and spotted my poisonous biter from earlier. I would like to say I was unaffected but I cannot, I bristled up immediately. I stayed as far away as I could and I tried not to look that way again. But somewhere the conviction began creeping over me. I had to pray for them. I prayed that God would bless them abundantly with every need met to overflowing. I prayed it repeatedly and slowly the anger in me began to dissipate. I am not saying that I have forgotten but I can say that the poison is being cleared from my Spirit and the healing is peaceful.
That I am surprised at the answers to prayer is curious, since it makes one wonder why am I spending time praying when I don't seem to believe I will be heard. That God answers in His own way is the mystery, but it ought to be a given that there will be an answer. This is not because I deserve one, but because God obligates Himself to answer. Isn't God amazing?
So, I am asking, and trusting a little more today. I am specifically asking that I don't have anymore meetings for sometime to come, and that the spirit that causes division would be driven out by the Spirit that brings unity. A muzzle for the biters couldn't hurt either....
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