The Hard Places

Today is a hard place day. In fact, this has been a hard place week and I am confident I am being called to a time of being set apart. I am finding very little comfort in all the places that usually are a source of rest and relief. I am a little disappointed in the faithlessness and brokenness within my heart and the heart of those around me. I am searching for the glory but I am running day after day into the gloom. What is going on?

I always suspect God is the culprit. That for some reason He is forcing me into quiet centering time by all this frustration. But I am beginning to believe that all this frustration might be at least in part because I haven't had the quiet centering time. I think the circumstances would be the same, my reaction would be different. That's what being centered in God's love does best for us. Can we live at peace even while our surrounding circumstances are not peaceful? Of course we can. That's what Jesus meant when He said the Kingdom of God is within. What happens externally doesn't have to drive what is happening internally, unless we choose to let it, and the hard place only is a hard place for us if we cannot keep it outside. When I am centered I find that not as difficult as when I am not.

I also see others as the culprits. I understand that I am often a disappointment to others and I am always a disappointment to myself. Recently I find some of the folks in my life somewhat difficult for me to embrace because I find their actions so disappointing. I do not mean to sit in judgement of anyone. Still, I will confess I have been frustrated by some of the folks who have meaning to me. I am more than aware that others should never have so much control over me that they impact my mood and my focus and my faith but I find at times that they do. I find myself feeling that I want no friends and at other times that I have no friends. And worse, I allow that to move me from center again and instead of directing my attention where it belongs I begin to obsess over these frustrations and feelings. This is a very hard place to find comfort. I am quite confident actually it is supposed to be.

I see myself as the culprit. I am forgetful. I am just like the nation of Israel wandering around the wilderness. I keep forgetting that God has miraculously provided water at every step of the journey. I forget that God is God no matter what I am feeling or thinking on any given day. His nature is His nature all the time and it does not change because I have. His love for me is so secure that He disciplines consistently, always to accomplish the good work He began at my birth. I find myself in a hard place and I resist it with all my being. God allows me to find hard places and seeks to make them useful in forming me in His image. I need to find myself, at all times, safe in my Father's arms. Not denying the hurt or the pain or the confusion or frustration, but seeing those vehicles as part of the journey my Father is using to bring me home.

It is my prayer today that this hard place is accomplishing it's purpose and that we are moving forward to a place with a little more cushioning. Just a little.