Resistance

I am out of harmony with the Spirit. I know this because of the feeling of frustration and hostility I feel. I am impatient and short and smart enough to realize I am not moving in harmony. So I am forcing myself to sit still for a minute and reconsider what the Spirit is saying to me. I am not all that excited about this discipline but I am determined to be faithful. I am not in love with discipline but I do embrace the blessings that come from them.

My prayer has been that God will bring unity to the church family in the conflict over building. I saw the answer to that prayer in some of the most hostile members of the group tonight in their desire to be in support regardless of whether they get what they want. That was huge and it was definitely an answer to prayer and I am very grateful. In waiting to get to this point I can see that already some healing has occurred. I heard in one of the speakers an earnest desire to see the church grow and flourish into the next generation and make the choices that will require, even if it means not building a sanctuary. That was another tremendous shift in thought and it was verbalized by a person who had influence. Even more healing and prayers answered. Perhaps the slow process is inviting others to come on board and bringing about the results we need. Help me breathe this in and let go of the need to press on to an end.

In less than a week we will come to the end of a year long emphasis where we see the results of our prayers in church attendance for Pentecost. I am feeling very pressed to assure the day is well thought out and planned. I am frustrated as this is not my baby to prepare and conduct and letting go and letting others do or not do the work needed is hard for me. I have prayed hard, worked hard, dreamed big. I am feeling that the lack of preparation from others might negatively impact the day. How small do I think God is? Help me to remember God is bigger than I can imagine and not limited by plans. He will accomplish His purposes, I want what He wants. This anxiety is a lack of faith, help me place my faith back where it belongs.

In all things God is sufficient. I know this, but I forget it. I forgot it tonight. I think I need people to support and encourage and share the vision in order for it to fly. I think that this is certainly a blessing and one of the primary purposes of fellowship, but it is not where my faith resides. It is not where my identity is and it is sure not where my hope comes from. That I have those things is God's amazing gift of grace. They are a source of help, but they are not the hope I can build a strong foundation in. I believe God does intend there to be unity in the Body of Christ but I do not make the unity, God does. It is the nature of God, three distinct persons unified into one. Help me take that burden and lay it down where it belongs.

The knot is easing, the peace is returning and the discipline has paid off again. I must allow people to be people, God to be God and trust that what God does is good. We are studying Psalms and in light of all the day has produced, I begin to see the purpose in treasuring these prayers as scripture. It is a gift that a God as huge as ours would allow us to vent, to scream, and cry, and demand, and bemoan, and wail over the issues and complications in our lives. He does so with great patience and tolerance and love, and in the end carries us to acceptance. We don't always remember what a blessing that is, but it's huge. How easy to squish us instead of embrace us. Gosh, help me remember this and be glad.

I am surrendering once again to the gentle movement of the Spirit. Help me to dance without restraint and without regard for those who may or may not choose to dance. Help me remember I am always inviting but it's not my party. Let is be as is should be and grant me the peace to accept it as such. Accomplish your purposes, further your kingdom, let it be as you will.

John Wesley comes to mind. Perhaps it's a good time to remember this prayer:
I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.