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I am a creature of habit. Not because I do the same thing over and over, I do not. I am a creature of habit because I am consistently moving on. I enjoy moving on as a rule. From time to time when I finish something, a book or a project or a trip I am sad at the end and wish it would go on. Generally speaking when the winding down process has begun, a wind up is beginning, at least in my head.

I have been winding up for several weeks. This has been nice for me. I have some new projects in the works and the details of them is floating gently past me all of the time. Who to ask, where to go, what to do slide by and I think as I meet people or things pop into my head, that will work, that wont work, this is a good idea.

I read a blurb, in a magazine about helping people deal with stress, that suggested in a crisis one should think of things that are amusing, as it helps stimulate creativity and thinking outside the norm. This must explain my creative thinking and endless giggles. I am constantly bobbing between imagining things we could do to chuckling about the things we clearly cannot.

So back to winding up, I have begun search for definitive answers. Does one have a clue how very hard this is for a ? I have spent the first half of my adult life with black being black and red being red and knowing if it doesn't balance, something is wrong. Somehow in this touchy feely world of the science of the law of religion there is nothing exactly right, it is all open to interpretation. And everyone gets to be an interpreter, all equally authorities based on their own recognition of themselves and it is more than I can bear at times. I want to scream wait a minute, God is not a god of chaos and confusion. There is too an answer and darn it all, we are going to get to it. I am not saying I know what it is, or that as times and circumstances change we wont adapt the answer but the answer will still be fundamentally true, no matter how you define 'is' or was or will be.

I have come to believe that most of the confusion is based on a couple of foundational issues. On the one hand we have intellectuals who debate matters of faith to no end yet live none of them out personally. It is all theory and the end matters not, only the discussion is important. On the other hand we have those who just have faith and feeling and no idea what they have faith in or why they believe they just do. They reject knowledge as if it could or would invalidate what they have faith in. Neither of the extremes is helpful and both so muddy the water that it makes a poor, well defined boundary, is it right or isn't it girl, a rabid mess. I wish to take heads and smack them together and say, people it's time we stop mucking around and get down to what we know is true. Knowledge is important and wisdom, study, search for truth matters, as does stepping out in faith, and believing in what cannot be seen based on the relationship we have with God and the character we know that God has is essential too. They balance each other out, do you see that? When they are out of balance, well, it's just wrong. How hard is that?

I am going back to research. I am confident I will find some answers, because if I don't find them I will make them up. I can you know, I am an expert in my own mind.