Unplugged

I have decided, and I am not entertaining other opinions so just put yours back in your back pocket thank you, that it is time for me to unplug, to let the connection be broken for a bit and go into hibernation. I need to go where there is no rabbit chasing, no stupid sheep, no friends who want to be helpful, no committees, no teams, no responsibilities and no new ideas. I need a box to crawl into, a bag to put over my head, a do not disturb sign. What I do not need is the ghost to Christmas present to bring me any of that milk of human kindness. That stuff ought to be illegal.

Here I am, in my mind, in a cushioned chaise lounge. My body sinks comfortably into the pillows and I have at my elbow a pile of fascinating reading material, all of it fluff and none of it having anything to do with work. A cooler filled with all my favorite beverages and there is a large colorful umbrella shading the area. The air moves lazily by, gently breezes fluffing my hair and bringing the hint of sweet flowers. I can hear birds off in the distance and the sky is bright blue with huge white fluffy clouds ambling past. I have no plans for the day, or the next day, or the next. My appetite is small but when I am feeling peckish strawberries and cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew cut into darling little shapes appear. Yummy chicken salad with grapes and pecans served with salad drizzles lightly with raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Every once in awhile a skewer of peppers and mushrooms and onions and medium rare steak on a bed of wild grain rice and a spinach salad. There are never dishes to clean up. And the clutter removes itself instantly.

I am constantly at peace. I know absolutely everything I need to know, want to know and anything that I might ever choose to know. I am completely unselfconscious. I think I look fabulous and whatever I am wearing does too. And if I do not look fabulous this matters little too. I am not worried about others at all, there are no others. I have a vague sense that perhaps outside of my beautiful world there is another world where others live but for the present they cannot get into my world and I do not have to go to theirs.

Sometimes I simply sit and think vaguely sweet thoughts, my favorite Christmas gift, a special birthday, my first car. I notice color and texture again and appreciate the beauty in how it is assembled, layered, connected. I feel artistic and creative and yet feel no sense of urgency in creating. There is no sense of urgency at all. I am frequently amused by what I am reading, the world around me or in my own thoughts. It's always the exact right temperature, it only rains when I am sleeping and it's the gentle sort of lull you to sleep rain. Wait, I think that is the sound track of Camelot playing in the background.

All of the sudden I am deafened by the sound of all of you unplugging. Nice, isn't it? Lets do this again sometime. No, not together.

The breeze

A number of years ago my family moved to Orlando. The car had this dreadful problem with overheating and so I was left in a very warm car in a very warm place with a fussy baby. I sat very still in the car and every once in a great while a breeze would stir and I would try to soak in every bit of it. It was what kept me sane, I think. It was the little touch of hope that perhaps we wouldn't roast after all. Gosh, it was hot in Florida.

I have discovered it is hot in ministry too. Sometimes, just like Florida, I am fairly sure I will roast. It's the kind of heat the permeates your brain and effects energy, emotion and vision. It's generally a gradual build until you begin to feel like you are baking and then when the breeze blows through, though sometimes it is the merest hint of air moving, it becomes the hope for relief and respite.

Today the breeze was sweet and fresh and consistent. It started first thing this morning with an email or two that became a means of grace. It continued with encounters with folks who themselves were feeling the breeze and rejoicing in its presence and that was a shared blessing. It was experienced by fellow travelers who need the breeze too and it is always more delightful when a joy is shared.

I have to wonder tonight as I sit in the moments of reflections on the day and the blessings it held, How truly is it that a God so vast that my mind can not even begin to comprehend His vision and His resources is mindful of me?! Why does He bother to send me affirmation, confirmation and reassurance? How amazing is this God who loves me with almost a goofy intensity, and not just me, every one of his silly sheep.

At the end of the day, which certainly possessed it's roasting moments, I received an answer to prayer. It was a huge answer about someone who I have had in the back of my mind for years. I have worried about them and prayed that I would run into them or somehow receive word about them all to no avail. Tonight I discovered they are alive and kicking and being cared for. What a relief, what a delightful breath of fresh air. Sanity returns! And once again I am in awe, realizing that God is an awesome God and a gentle, loving, gracious Father who for whatever reason dotes on His children. I am so thankful for that.

I am thankful and I head for bed that with my heart filled with joy and my lips filled with praise. How great is our God. Doesn't the air feel great!

It's all a Rerun

Have you heard the phrase 'ancient-future' being kicked around church circles lately? If you have read anything at all about anything even slightly religious or spiritual you must have. It is THE catch phrase of the day. It's all about going back to the ancient desert fathers and translating what they said into modern vocabulary so a new generation will understand these ancient truths. It's not a bad concept or in actuality I don't suppose, though one does get tired of the repetitious use. Like 'out of the box', remember that? Didn't you wish you could tell someone to stuff it back into the box after awhile? Makes me think of an interview I saw once with Cal Thomas who said we could all begin meeting in all those closets that now had so much space since people kept coming out of them.

So I am reading and really being amused and quite frankly reassured that the crisis I perceive we are in as a church and a community of faith is not at all new. In fact it has been dealt with before and will be dealt with again. There is nothing so deadly for an institution than the luxury of success. It seems to create a sort of lethargy and a relaxed mindset that somehow or the other leads to a total loss of vision and purpose. Dr Michael Henderson in his book "A Model for Making Disciples" says this about the church in England during John Wesley's time: "However. as the Church continued to develop through the centuries, outside influences began to dilute and diminish it's impetus. The tight focus on 'making disciples' was lost, and many other activities gained priority. The task of maintaining Church institutions began to usurp the role that was originally assigned to making disciples, and the once-dynamic Christian movement began to fossilize within."

With declining numbers in every mainstream denomination, I feel compelled to ask, does this sound at all familiar? Ancient-future-ish even? Is it possible that we have lost focus on what our purpose is and allowed ourselves in our prosperity to neglect the Great Commission?

I am aware I am not the only person having this epiphany or apostrophe depending on your perspective. Willow Creek is addressing this in the life of their own church, perhaps wrestling with the same issue George Whitefield once wrestled. Having failed to develop a system that lead to development of disciples, he is quotes as saying this: "My brother Wesley acted wisely-the souls that were awakened under his ministry he joined in class, an thus preserved the fruit of his labor. This I neglected, and my people are a rope of sand." It's expressed differently, that ancient-future stuff again, but isn't it the same sentiment? Are we simply awakening souls or are we preserving fruit?

I heard recently that we are into our third generation of a growing non churched populations. I don't know exactly why this horrifies us so, I would hope it would motivate us. I would think this means there are sheep to be gathered in for goodness sake! When I was at a leadership institute last year I heard we needed to move towards reaching out to non and nominally Christian folks because otherwise all we did was trade people. I totally agreed with this statement and still do, but I also felt like saying....duh! Well, of course!!! I cannot tell you how it saddens me that we need to be told this stuff, but we do. And I realize we are hardly the first generation that had to be told. I am quite sure we follow in the footsteps of the greatly confused, the messed up masses, the terminally clueless. Is there any wonder Jesus cried over Jerusalem. He must have been thinking of the many times, many, many, many times the Trinity would be untangling the knots, straightening out the curve balls, cleaning us up and sending us out again.

I am reminded of Josiah tonight and the rediscovery of the Covenant. Josiah is a great hero, hears about the law, calls the people together, they recommit to the law and he cleans house. It's a great story and I am inspired by it. Only you know what happens a couple hundred generations later....and again and again and again. It's a rerun, folks, the 'teacher' was right, there isn't one thing new under the sun.

So where is the hope? It lies in the Father who never tires of reclaiming His own, in the Son who created the bridge that cannot be destroyed and it lies in the Spirit who is continually calling, continually courting, continually leading those who have ears to hear to truth, to life, to wholeness. It lies in the promise that in the end, and there will be an end, God wins and we are lost no more.

Until then, the ancient-future remains the same. It's our turn to rediscover the covenant and read it before the people and clean house. May we do so with the same dedication and passion that Josiah did, and every other reformer who has gone before us. And perhaps one day we will stand with all the saints who have gone on before and enjoy the fruits of our labor. As God wills.

Next

I am a creature of habit. Not because I do the same thing over and over, I do not. I am a creature of habit because I am consistently moving on. I enjoy moving on as a rule. From time to time when I finish something, a book or a project or a trip I am sad at the end and wish it would go on. Generally speaking when the winding down process has begun, a wind up is beginning, at least in my head.

I have been winding up for several weeks. This has been nice for me. I have some new projects in the works and the details of them is floating gently past me all of the time. Who to ask, where to go, what to do slide by and I think as I meet people or things pop into my head, that will work, that wont work, this is a good idea.

I read a blurb, in a magazine about helping people deal with stress, that suggested in a crisis one should think of things that are amusing, as it helps stimulate creativity and thinking outside the norm. This must explain my creative thinking and endless giggles. I am constantly bobbing between imagining things we could do to chuckling about the things we clearly cannot.

So back to winding up, I have begun search for definitive answers. Does one have a clue how very hard this is for a ? I have spent the first half of my adult life with black being black and red being red and knowing if it doesn't balance, something is wrong. Somehow in this touchy feely world of the science of the law of religion there is nothing exactly right, it is all open to interpretation. And everyone gets to be an interpreter, all equally authorities based on their own recognition of themselves and it is more than I can bear at times. I want to scream wait a minute, God is not a god of chaos and confusion. There is too an answer and darn it all, we are going to get to it. I am not saying I know what it is, or that as times and circumstances change we wont adapt the answer but the answer will still be fundamentally true, no matter how you define 'is' or was or will be.

I have come to believe that most of the confusion is based on a couple of foundational issues. On the one hand we have intellectuals who debate matters of faith to no end yet live none of them out personally. It is all theory and the end matters not, only the discussion is important. On the other hand we have those who just have faith and feeling and no idea what they have faith in or why they believe they just do. They reject knowledge as if it could or would invalidate what they have faith in. Neither of the extremes is helpful and both so muddy the water that it makes a poor, well defined boundary, is it right or isn't it girl, a rabid mess. I wish to take heads and smack them together and say, people it's time we stop mucking around and get down to what we know is true. Knowledge is important and wisdom, study, search for truth matters, as does stepping out in faith, and believing in what cannot be seen based on the relationship we have with God and the character we know that God has is essential too. They balance each other out, do you see that? When they are out of balance, well, it's just wrong. How hard is that?

I am going back to research. I am confident I will find some answers, because if I don't find them I will make them up. I can you know, I am an expert in my own mind.

Enough said.

Twas the Night before....the night before

It's quiet at my house. I am grateful for the quiet and for the moment just listening to it is enough. I am gazing at a clean home and a less cluttered space and relieved that the recovery process has occurred and at this point, it's just a matter of wrapping up the loose ends and getting everyone where they need to be. How very nice to come to the place where the preparations are done either because they are finished or the time has expired. Then regardless of what it is, it is.

I am taking this moment of peace and quiet and tranquility in a weekend that will be frantic and busy and loud and making note of all the things I have to be thankful for. I will make mental notes and when I am feeling stressed by something, I will pull out one of these gratitude's to improve my attitude. I bet it works. If it doesn't what is it I will have lost? Not my mind, I haven't seen that in years, so why would I worry about anything else.

I am grateful that my family is traveling so far and spending so much to come be at the wedding of my son. I am grateful that my in laws are making the same effort and the same sacrifice to be here. I am so pleased that the rain is moving off and day is projected to be pretty. I am stunned at the thoughtfulness of friends who are giving up a Saturday evening to bring food and help get it served to my family. I am awed not only by their service but by their hearts to do what was needed. That's stunning to me.

I am grateful that my son is strong enough and mature enough to marry and to provide well for his new family one day. I am grateful that he was mature enough to choose wisely. I am glad that the families can mix with respect and enjoyment considering the vast difference in our cultural experiences and our value systems. I am grateful that while it's far from perfect, we do have the space to open our home to our extended family.

I am grateful that I have been so busy so that this has not been a huge monster looming on the horizon, darkening the day. I am so glad that my sons friends have become extended family so that I feel comfortable calling them with questions, and they feel comfortable answering them and asking me a few of their own. I am so grateful that God allowed me to see the days that my children and their friends would bless me in worship and teach me anew that God is the author of all things being new again.

I am grateful that in the midst of change and noise and emotion and drama, my Father loves me so much He blesses me with answered prayer and gentle, loving reminders of His presence. Like the people who cut my grass because the mower isn't working, or the people who called to say they were thinking of me, or who sent cards or email. I am so thankful for humor and absurd moments when I really need to giggle. And that on occasion I provide the giggle for someone else.

I am so very grateful that as one door closes, others are opening, almost before I can panic about a conclusion. I pray that it might ever be so, there is hope and help in an ongoing plan. I am delighted to have both new clothes and new shoes and pleased to have had an occasion to go shopping. New clothing always makes me feel like queen of the universe.

Finally, I am grateful that I have been blessed with the time I have been give and the opportunity to use it well. May it ever be so.

The Happy Dance

For a year my church has prayed that God would double our numbers in attendance today. This has been a major prayer focus and we have heavily promoted it. We have encouraged people to invite others, to come and pray for our mission and ministry as they walked the church parking lot which circles our buildings. We have written articles, made banners, sold tee shirts, printed prayer rocks. In fact it has been my constant companion and prayer focus: God if you are blessing the ministry and effort at Benton First, send the people.

My life has been warp speeding lately. I have had a retreat weekend, a final class and paper, a final class and speech, two major meetings and a graduation. Next week there is a wedding. The schedule has been maddening but it has been very good for keeping me busy and distracted. I am much better off full throttle than sitting with a lot of time on my hands. All that thought time produces much too much thinking, absolutely never a good thing for me. However Pray 438 has never ever ever been far from my thinking.

My prayer focus, have I been following God's leading or my own great ideas? Would God send the numbers, had we stepped out in faith or tried to get God to do what we wanted? I really didn't have too much peace one way or another, kept thinking we had been faithful only to think of course I would think that! I was definitely what James would call tossed by every wave. This is God. Is this God? This is God. Is this God? Good Grief.

I have had company all weeked so today I got to the church early just thankful the day was here. There is always lots of housekeeping work to be done, decorations finished, cleaning up accomplished, pictures taken, stuff in it's proper place. This is great for burning energy and I kept myself as busy as I could. Before it seems possible, the people begin arriving. I am praying and wondering and thanking God for each head. Then the chairs begin to fill up and we start pulling more and more of them. I am standing at the back and thanking God for each chair we pull. Finally worship begins and we start counting people. By the end of the head count we are sitting at 302. Yipee!

Second service begins and there is a good crowd. How good I do not know but I am beginning to feel optomistic. I am delighted about the people who have come! There are so many of them and I am so thankful. The head usher and I both count and compare numbers, 184. One hundred eighty four people. Holy cow. We have gotten to 486 people. I am so deeply grateful and touched I could cry. I am looking at faces I dont know, people I haven't seen in many years and I am blessed beyond measure. How good God is to his wishy washy daughter. Is this God? Yes, I believe we can say this was God.

The number was great and I am thankful for every last person. Tonight though I am mostly thankful for the God of the whole universe who though larger than my finite mind can ever comprehend was gracious enough to hear the prayers of a little church in a small town and say yes. Even a little church in a small town who has a silly program director whose faith is tossed by every wave.

Those touchdown dances are looking good from here.

Roller Coaster

Once upon a time, only seems like yesterday, a very young, very brave, very adventurous child looked up at his mother and said, "I want to ride The Big Bad Wolf". His mother said "Are you sure? Once we start there is nothing to do but finish". "Oh yes," the young boy insisted. And so they got in line with a thousand other people who also wished to ride The Big Bad Wolf.

The line was long and not very fast moving. Periodically the mother would ask again in the brave young boy still wished to ride the roller coaster and always he would agree there was nothing he wanted to do more. After an eternity or so it seemed they finally reached the place where they could see the gates to line up to get a seat on the roller coaster train, the mother asked again. As they got into the gate, she asked again. Each time the very brave young boy said, yes he was sure.

Finally, at long last, it was their turn. as they climbed into the car, pulled down the safety bars, and locked the seat belt, she asked one last time. And she reminded the brave young boy that once they left there was nothing to do but ride it out to the finish. He was excited and quite sure this was going to be a wonderful adventure.

The trained pulled out of the station and gaining speed it took the very first curve swinging the cars out over toward the right. It was then that that very brave young boy said to his mother "I have changed my mind. I don't think I like this ride." Mom was all sympathy when she said in turn, "Well close your eyes honey. There is nothing to do now but hold on."

Fast forward 10 to 15 years and that brave young boy has grown up. He is now a brave and industrious young man, out to make his way in life with excellence and enthusiasm. He is about to get on another roller coaster, but this one is for life. In less than two weeks he will be married. In the finally crunch time of wedding preparations I keep asking the same question...honey are you sure you want to ride this ride.

The question has nothing to do with his partner. His bride is a sweet, loving, caring, young woman and they will be a good match. It's just the ickiness of the world, the strain of a career and the combining of two different backgrounds, two different traditions and two different vision about life. It's one of those things and once the train leaves the station there is little to do but close your eyes and go along with the ride. No shoulder bar, no seat belt, but lots excitement and fun and adventures. It's worth holding on, finding more direction and then digging in and riding out the scary parts. It's a wild ride, no doubt about that.

The brave young boy grew up nicely. I am proud of him and his adventurous spirit and I will be cheering for him when he boards this train with a new partner and leaves the station. It's good to feel a sense of a job well done. And there is a tiny place inside of me that is waiting for the day when he stands in line with his very brave young boy or girl and says, "Are you sure you want to ride? Once the train leaves the station, there is no turning back."

Resistance

I am out of harmony with the Spirit. I know this because of the feeling of frustration and hostility I feel. I am impatient and short and smart enough to realize I am not moving in harmony. So I am forcing myself to sit still for a minute and reconsider what the Spirit is saying to me. I am not all that excited about this discipline but I am determined to be faithful. I am not in love with discipline but I do embrace the blessings that come from them.

My prayer has been that God will bring unity to the church family in the conflict over building. I saw the answer to that prayer in some of the most hostile members of the group tonight in their desire to be in support regardless of whether they get what they want. That was huge and it was definitely an answer to prayer and I am very grateful. In waiting to get to this point I can see that already some healing has occurred. I heard in one of the speakers an earnest desire to see the church grow and flourish into the next generation and make the choices that will require, even if it means not building a sanctuary. That was another tremendous shift in thought and it was verbalized by a person who had influence. Even more healing and prayers answered. Perhaps the slow process is inviting others to come on board and bringing about the results we need. Help me breathe this in and let go of the need to press on to an end.

In less than a week we will come to the end of a year long emphasis where we see the results of our prayers in church attendance for Pentecost. I am feeling very pressed to assure the day is well thought out and planned. I am frustrated as this is not my baby to prepare and conduct and letting go and letting others do or not do the work needed is hard for me. I have prayed hard, worked hard, dreamed big. I am feeling that the lack of preparation from others might negatively impact the day. How small do I think God is? Help me to remember God is bigger than I can imagine and not limited by plans. He will accomplish His purposes, I want what He wants. This anxiety is a lack of faith, help me place my faith back where it belongs.

In all things God is sufficient. I know this, but I forget it. I forgot it tonight. I think I need people to support and encourage and share the vision in order for it to fly. I think that this is certainly a blessing and one of the primary purposes of fellowship, but it is not where my faith resides. It is not where my identity is and it is sure not where my hope comes from. That I have those things is God's amazing gift of grace. They are a source of help, but they are not the hope I can build a strong foundation in. I believe God does intend there to be unity in the Body of Christ but I do not make the unity, God does. It is the nature of God, three distinct persons unified into one. Help me take that burden and lay it down where it belongs.

The knot is easing, the peace is returning and the discipline has paid off again. I must allow people to be people, God to be God and trust that what God does is good. We are studying Psalms and in light of all the day has produced, I begin to see the purpose in treasuring these prayers as scripture. It is a gift that a God as huge as ours would allow us to vent, to scream, and cry, and demand, and bemoan, and wail over the issues and complications in our lives. He does so with great patience and tolerance and love, and in the end carries us to acceptance. We don't always remember what a blessing that is, but it's huge. How easy to squish us instead of embrace us. Gosh, help me remember this and be glad.

I am surrendering once again to the gentle movement of the Spirit. Help me to dance without restraint and without regard for those who may or may not choose to dance. Help me remember I am always inviting but it's not my party. Let is be as is should be and grant me the peace to accept it as such. Accomplish your purposes, further your kingdom, let it be as you will.

John Wesley comes to mind. Perhaps it's a good time to remember this prayer:
I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.