I noticed today how much noise there is in my world. Even when there is not a single television set on, no radio, no intentional stimulation, there is noise! The air conditioning kicks on, the dish washer hums, the dryer buzzes, my cell phone on vibrate makes this brrrrring sound. Today in my office I noticed that the printer makes a purring sound while waiting to print and the house itself creaks and squeaks as the temperature changes. It's loud in here!
Mostly I don't notice the sound. I am too absorbed in the task at hand and I block out any thing else. But today as I work on listening to God in the silence I realize how much there is to distract me. I think I can say with some confidence that I wish to hear God's voice. I know that I do not always wish to do so, sometimes I very much wish NOT to do so. Sometimes I fear that I will hear something I do not wish to hear, and sometimes its because I haven't done what I know I was supposed to do. But today I would like to hear my Father, know His heart a little better, move forward in knowing the mind of Christ and allowing myself to be transformed by the renewing of my own. But the distractions are loud, the time moves slowly and I am annoyed that in this moment, of all moments, I cannot block out the interruptions, focus on the task and make good use of this time.
Perhaps this is the beginning of renewing my mind. Perhaps good use of time means one thing to task oriented, goal driven people and something entirely different to the Author of Creation who holds all time in His hand. Perhaps the desire matters more than the tangible results and perhaps the willingness to be present and listen are the end, not the means to the end. I am not sure that I get an answer to that question, not today at least. Tomorrow when I show up to start again, I will ask again. And the day after that. One day I will either know, or it will have ceased to matter. Such seems to be the life of faith.
Not so bad for a woman with a marginal attention span in the midst of all these distractions!
Mostly I don't notice the sound. I am too absorbed in the task at hand and I block out any thing else. But today as I work on listening to God in the silence I realize how much there is to distract me. I think I can say with some confidence that I wish to hear God's voice. I know that I do not always wish to do so, sometimes I very much wish NOT to do so. Sometimes I fear that I will hear something I do not wish to hear, and sometimes its because I haven't done what I know I was supposed to do. But today I would like to hear my Father, know His heart a little better, move forward in knowing the mind of Christ and allowing myself to be transformed by the renewing of my own. But the distractions are loud, the time moves slowly and I am annoyed that in this moment, of all moments, I cannot block out the interruptions, focus on the task and make good use of this time.
Perhaps this is the beginning of renewing my mind. Perhaps good use of time means one thing to task oriented, goal driven people and something entirely different to the Author of Creation who holds all time in His hand. Perhaps the desire matters more than the tangible results and perhaps the willingness to be present and listen are the end, not the means to the end. I am not sure that I get an answer to that question, not today at least. Tomorrow when I show up to start again, I will ask again. And the day after that. One day I will either know, or it will have ceased to matter. Such seems to be the life of faith.
Not so bad for a woman with a marginal attention span in the midst of all these distractions!
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