People. People, people, people.

Have I mentioned yet that I am not a people fan? Yes, I know: people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. Only come on now...have you met them? They are a miserable lot. They are territorial and hard to get along with, they are opinionated and have their feelings hurt easily, they expect you to remember their birthdays for goodness sake. And are they content when I think about sending them cards, only fail to actually do it....no. They want the stinking card.

I spent a long time working for myself, and by myself. It was very nice. I like to work when I am at work, and if I felt like chatting I could do so by calling one of my friends and while away a little time. Now, in his infinite wisdom, My Eternal Father has called me into a job at my church where I am having to learn to work with others. I appear to be much slower at picking up new skill sets than I had previously believed. This playing nicely with others is hard work. And all that time spent not working, or helping someone else work or even just visiting is wearing me out. I feel like they do not seem to understand that I do important things, like generate calendars and write articles and plan events. This takes focus, it takes attention, it takes leaving me alone.

Where did this isolationist thought process come from? I am the same girl who wanted to save the world and help people live better happier lives. I am now trying to figure out how I can require people to know a secret password in order to come to talk to me, which only works when I say it should. How did I get to thinking more like Oscar the Grouch instead of Elmo, or Big Bird or any of those nice characters? Where did all the warm fuzzies go?

I think I began to wonder about people who need people when I met some. The folks who either create a crisis every day or the folks that try to save someone from crisis every day. The enablers and the abusers, the dysfunctional and the compartmentalized. Whatever we call it today, it's the group of folks who we used to say were all screwed up. Their numbers are growing, in fact it becomes hard to find people who don't belong to this group. I learned over the years that a screwed up person generally stayed that way, regardless of the great advice I would give them or the rescue and support I tried to provide. Often the only one who benefited from these relationships was the dog as I would take him for long walks in order to work off some of the frustration. I began to believe that people who need people are the yuckiest people in the world.

Still, here is the sticking point: God is not vague about our purpose. I might win a debate on the specifics of purpose being somewhat vague individually, but the over all purpose is clear. We are to go make disciples of every nations, we are to teach them about Jesus and we are to further God's kingdom, internally and externally. Can this be done without being a people who needs people? I have given this much thought and I have decided that not only can it, it is done better! I can be faithful to God by sharing his word and his love for people much better if I don't need them for security, comfort, affirmation and assurance. I can be free to speak the truth in love without fear of repercussion and I can listen without forgetting I am only a care giver, God is the cure giver. The only catch seems to be, God wishes me to love his people, as he loves me. I will admit I am not inclined to do this on my own, but in the last year I begin to see I can love people without needing them so much. As my Father loves me, I have more love to share and more security in my value in him. I hope that this makes me more effective in accomplishing my purpose. So far it hasn't made me wild about people yet.

My fantasy life if growing. My island is getting smaller. Now it's just me and my library. A cell phone so I can check in with family and catch up with friends when the mood takes me. I guess I better take the computer. Oh yeah and the waitstaff. Lets not forget the waitstaff. I am okay with them being from a silent religious order though. I would need the annual family visit. We could do lunch.