Wild about Harry

I admit it. I have Harryitis. I ordered the book before it came out. I started reading it ten minutes after it arrived by UPS. I completed all 750 odd pages in five days and managed to work, clean house for incoming family and sleep a little. Yes, I do remember it is a work of fiction. Harry is not real, Hogwarts does not exist and whether Harry lives or dies is not a matter of national security.

All that being said, lets face it, Harry Potter is a cool story. It is the ultimate quest book, the battle between good and evil, the ultimate striving with temptation and the triumph of love. What is wrong with all that? Apparently enough to cause many within the family of faith to have a stroke over and the debate rages loudly about the merit of such books and the damage they may do. I am not willing to take that argument on. I believe strongly that all parents should carefully guard what they expose their children to, and if they have qualms or concerns they have a responsibility to check it out. I wasn't all that excited about exposing my 9 year old to Harry and all the dark influences and have done so only in small ways and always with adults present to act as a filter. It has sparked many discussions and I think I can say with some confidence I don't think Harry has had much impact for Sam.

However, Harry has had a tremendous impact on Sam's mom. I found the last book a moment of triumph book that was inspirational and based in good Christian theology intentional or otherwise. Harry's life is spared as a baby because of the sacrificial love of his mother, and has the opportunity to make himself a sacrifice for others. Without being a plot spoiler, isn't that the message in Christianity? God gave his son as a sacrificial love offering for his people, inspiring not only reconciliation and eternal life for his people, but also the opportunity to go on to become sacrificial love offerings themselves. Perhaps not always or even often to the point of death, but certainly in service and mission. Quite frankly, except for the change in the setting I think it's the same story as the Star Wars movies, The Lord of the Ring Series, perhaps even Indiana Jones and even at the risk of offending the brethren, the book of Acts. Great adventure, risks and persecution, lives lost for the cause, the triumph of good in the end.


I must say that deep inside of me is the desire to believe that I could in the face of such obstacles and be creative enough, resourceful enough, courageous enough, to be a hero. In the Lord of the Ring series, Gandalf tells Frodo no one chooses to have these opportunities, they are thrust upon them. The only choice is to rise to the occasion. Doesn't that challenge to do so and the hope that in the face of defeat you might just possibility be victorious stimulate your imagination? And isn't that one of the miraculous gifts in our relationship with God? He redeems us, gives us profoundly challenging opportunities and then enables us to be victorious?

I like Harry. I like the way the series ended. I would have made a couple of changes in my version of the story but I found it satisfactory. I wish I had the wit and wisdom to create such a story that inspires such passion that people will invest time and energy to become a part of it. I don't know that it will change one thing in course of history but it does teach me this, we desire that good prevail. We are inspired by those who are willing to sacrifice themselves for the love of others and we want the assurance that in the end, we win. Interesting isn't it that having given his people this hunger, God fulfills it in his own son. And then in each generation seems to find a new way for the story to be told. Just my two cents.

Anybody in here?

I just finished the piece on people a day or so ago. I meant what I said, I think. There are times when I truly like to be alone. If not alone, then with people who enjoy silence too, who like to work independently and will pause from time to time to smile or ask a question, or answer one without all the chaos. I have been told I am a living breathing tornado, clearing a path where ever I go. Perhaps this is why I don't really need lots of additional energy.

Today I realized while I like to be alone from time to time, I do not like to be lonely. I had an experience that reminded me that while I am often surrounded by people and I have been richly blessed with good friends, there are times even in their midst I feel isolated. It feels to me like those nightmares where you must communicate something to the people around you, only you can't speak. Or if you woke up tomorrow in a strange land where not one soul understood English. I remember reading about psychology experiments where one individual is set up in a room full of people who are in on the test. They beginning filling the room with smoke and no one responds except the one individual. Many of those tested went along with the group, even at the risk of their own lives in their minds, rather than be the lone responder. There is also an experiment, same set up, where each individual is asked to identify which line is longer of two. Every other person in the room identifies the incorrect line. Many, many people again go along rather than be the only person to choose a different line. This need to belong, to have companionship, to have affirmation and support in our beliefs is universal. It is a God given need and when it is met in healthy and whole ways, I believe we become a little healthier and more whole ourselves.

I will admit with great reluctance that I have spent most of my life with strong walls meant to keep most people at arms length. I could have defended this position strongly and with passion a year ago. I thought it exactly what the scripture talked about in being wise as serpants, innocent as doves. Smile big, be nice, expect little. I thought it was an excellent strategy and I think I have been relatively content living this way. In the last year I have had reason to revisit this life view and see the limitations in remaining walled in. The biggest draw back being that God intended his people to function together. He made us for community, to become his body in the world today. Limiting the impact others can have on your heart, your mind, your opinions and beliefs may protect you from pain and conflict but it also prevents you from the joy of being part of the God's family as you were designed to be.

Still, it seems to me that while we are called to be a community, we are also called from time to time to stand alone. Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness alone. He spent his last free hours praying in Gethsemane alone. So many of the pillars of the early church died in prison alone. Paul breaks my heart in 2 Timothy when he writes of his loneliness and his desire to see Timothy. We need community to live and grow and function. We need isolation to develop deeper roots, courage, resolution, direction, peace. It isn't an either/ or, its a both/and. Just as I needed to learn to let a very few folks in, I also need not to panic in those times when I stand alone. They are both seasons, they both produce fruit and I am never truly alone. My father holds me even when I cannot feel his hands.

I haven't changed my mind about the island. Still think it sounds like a mighty nice way to live. But I need to reach out and touch others too. God created in me the need, then he filled the need. He has sent those who touch me deeply and he has used them to help me stand when I have to endure alone. God in all, God through all, God is all.

People. People, people, people.

Have I mentioned yet that I am not a people fan? Yes, I know: people who need people are the luckiest people in the world. Only come on now...have you met them? They are a miserable lot. They are territorial and hard to get along with, they are opinionated and have their feelings hurt easily, they expect you to remember their birthdays for goodness sake. And are they content when I think about sending them cards, only fail to actually do it....no. They want the stinking card.

I spent a long time working for myself, and by myself. It was very nice. I like to work when I am at work, and if I felt like chatting I could do so by calling one of my friends and while away a little time. Now, in his infinite wisdom, My Eternal Father has called me into a job at my church where I am having to learn to work with others. I appear to be much slower at picking up new skill sets than I had previously believed. This playing nicely with others is hard work. And all that time spent not working, or helping someone else work or even just visiting is wearing me out. I feel like they do not seem to understand that I do important things, like generate calendars and write articles and plan events. This takes focus, it takes attention, it takes leaving me alone.

Where did this isolationist thought process come from? I am the same girl who wanted to save the world and help people live better happier lives. I am now trying to figure out how I can require people to know a secret password in order to come to talk to me, which only works when I say it should. How did I get to thinking more like Oscar the Grouch instead of Elmo, or Big Bird or any of those nice characters? Where did all the warm fuzzies go?

I think I began to wonder about people who need people when I met some. The folks who either create a crisis every day or the folks that try to save someone from crisis every day. The enablers and the abusers, the dysfunctional and the compartmentalized. Whatever we call it today, it's the group of folks who we used to say were all screwed up. Their numbers are growing, in fact it becomes hard to find people who don't belong to this group. I learned over the years that a screwed up person generally stayed that way, regardless of the great advice I would give them or the rescue and support I tried to provide. Often the only one who benefited from these relationships was the dog as I would take him for long walks in order to work off some of the frustration. I began to believe that people who need people are the yuckiest people in the world.

Still, here is the sticking point: God is not vague about our purpose. I might win a debate on the specifics of purpose being somewhat vague individually, but the over all purpose is clear. We are to go make disciples of every nations, we are to teach them about Jesus and we are to further God's kingdom, internally and externally. Can this be done without being a people who needs people? I have given this much thought and I have decided that not only can it, it is done better! I can be faithful to God by sharing his word and his love for people much better if I don't need them for security, comfort, affirmation and assurance. I can be free to speak the truth in love without fear of repercussion and I can listen without forgetting I am only a care giver, God is the cure giver. The only catch seems to be, God wishes me to love his people, as he loves me. I will admit I am not inclined to do this on my own, but in the last year I begin to see I can love people without needing them so much. As my Father loves me, I have more love to share and more security in my value in him. I hope that this makes me more effective in accomplishing my purpose. So far it hasn't made me wild about people yet.

My fantasy life if growing. My island is getting smaller. Now it's just me and my library. A cell phone so I can check in with family and catch up with friends when the mood takes me. I guess I better take the computer. Oh yeah and the waitstaff. Lets not forget the waitstaff. I am okay with them being from a silent religious order though. I would need the annual family visit. We could do lunch.

Language Problem

I have discovered a new problem when it comes to clearly and effectively communicating. Oops, let me clarify. I personally have stumbled across an issue I am sure has been present for quite some time, just as Columbus discovered America is only sort of true as it was certainly already in existence. And let's not split hairs over where his ship landed and if perhaps it was really Magellan or Vespucci or Oscar De la Renta. I am quite confident it was not me. I have difficulty knowing where any of my children are at any given moment and when I discover a strange new land it is never intentional and the route never remembered. But I digress.

Have you ever noticed that we often all use the same words but we mean entirely different things by them? This is the case in the world in general. But I have noticed it particularly within the community of the church, big picture meaning all Christianity, as opposed to my own in particular. For example, I have noticed the word 'call' gets thrown about in deeply spiritual discussions and we all think we know what we mean, but I don't think we do. And when we talked about salvation and grace, the same sort of head nodding goes on, but on deeper inspection I think we are talking apples and oranges. I think it's probably all fruit but not quite the same thing. I attended a conference over the weekend that was a fingernails on the chalkboard reminder that we all use the same terminology but we have different destinations in mind. I find myself angry and frustrated as it is very difficult to communicate with people who are using the same words but speaking in another language. I once met a military wife from England. She was in the English Navy and married an officer in the US Navy and moved from England to Pascagoula, Mississippi. I asked her how she had adjusted to the change in culture. She said it had been hard but the worst part was the language. We all spoke English but she didn't understand what we were saying. She said it would have been much easier if we had spoken spanish or japanese or german, then she would have been better prepared. I know what she meant. Turns out the church can be just as much a culture shock.

Is this another example of the Tower of Babel? What purpose could all this point/counter point christian double speak serve? How can we further the Kingdom by making disciples for Christ when we don't even all agree on what that means? How is it that we end up functioning as a Body when despite what Paul has said about the foot not being able to tell the hand it's not needed, we seem to do that all the time. And as a sidebar thought, who exactly are the unpresentable parts we treat with special modesty? I guess more to the point is this: what is God's point? I have no difficulty believing that the God of all creation, of all time and all knowledge has the ability to straighten out the mess and smack some sense into his stupid sheep if he wishes to do so. So, why doesn't he?

I have given this some serious thought over the last 48 hours. While I am by no means representing myself as an authority or even a potential voice for God, I have a couple of thoughts. One is based in good counseling practice, the opportunity to help people come to their own positive solutions for addressing a need. It is never effective to fix people, they break again. However enabling them to discover ways to fix themselves seems to be fairly effective. Could that be part of God's heart? Could it also be that God allows us these conflicts to define and articulate for ourselves our own beliefs? Could it be conflict itself is a tool for communication, for teachable moments when seeds can be planted, watered, fed and eventually harvested?

I don't care for conflict. I care even less for resolving conflict. I will confess that I would infinitely prefer to quit, take my marbles and go home, shake the dust off of my feet, than engage in the resolution process. I wish that you would either agree with me, or quit talking to me. Surely that isn't asking too much. My heavenly father however seems to feel that my wholeness and the redemption being worked out in my life thrives best in the resolution process. I believe this is the message in Ephesians 6 about the armor of God, when Paul writes to put on the armor of God so when the day of evil comes we will be able to stand our ground and even after we have done everything else, still remain standing. I know you may mean something entirely different about the day of evil, but let me tell you conflict is a day of evil for me! I greatly fear falling. I think it's my first response to conflict and I often react out of that fear in anger. Maybe all this confrontation is an opportunity to practice standing.

Maybe the Tower of Babel is the gateway to understanding. Who would have guessed that? I know what you are thinking....what did I mean by gateway.....

A Gift

My friend has a babysitter. This is not all that remarkable as my friend also has children and works full time. But my friend and her babysitter are without children this week. This created a problem for my friend. Did she tell her babysitter she didn't need her and risk losing her to several other of my cutthroat, always looking for excellent childcare friends, or did she try to find other things for her to do to keep her busy. She went with option B and called me and asked if I had things her babysitter could do to stay busy. Do I have things her babysitter could do to stay busy! My goodness, where does one begin!

This precious angel arrived this morning looking like a million bucks. She is delightful to look at and is as sweet as they come. She smiles and her eyes dance and best of all, she is both hard working and more than competent. How on earth does one say thank you for this gold mine?!

By 2:00 pm today, she had printed and separated door hangers for an upcoming community outreach event, printed and cut several hundred prayer card requests and inserted them into seat pockets, and printed and posted 4 large posters advertising our "Got your Rock" campaign. She took a rough draft of a calendar for August and created a poster for the bulletin boards, stripped the bulletin boards and redesigned the titles. She opened, stuffed and neatly stacked 108 backpacks which will be distributed to the first 100 children who attend the community outreach event. She was even motivated to climb into our children's closet, a scary job for the most hardened veteran, and find a number of items to cover a shortfall for the backpacks. And she does all this with a minimum of direction, a never ending smile, and a delightful twinkle when you are stunned with her productivity. The girl is an angel and I wish to adopt her and keep her forever.

My friend called this evening. She isn't sure she can use the babysitter all day tomorrow. Do I have more that she can do. Honey. Do I have more that she can do. You betcha.

God, I know you have heard from me on all those days when I have been overwhelmed and out of control, stressed and short tempered, felt hopeless and helpless. You have carried me in those moments and we have survived, battered and beaten but upright. Help me remember days like today in those days of trial. It was a golden day, a delightful gift and a glorious blessing. And bless that sweet girl with the radiance of your love, and the knowledge that today she has been a source of your amazing grace.

The Search for Silence

I noticed today how much noise there is in my world. Even when there is not a single television set on, no radio, no intentional stimulation, there is noise! The air conditioning kicks on, the dish washer hums, the dryer buzzes, my cell phone on vibrate makes this brrrrring sound. Today in my office I noticed that the printer makes a purring sound while waiting to print and the house itself creaks and squeaks as the temperature changes. It's loud in here!

Mostly I don't notice the sound. I am too absorbed in the task at hand and I block out any thing else. But today as I work on listening to God in the silence I realize how much there is to distract me. I think I can say with some confidence that I wish to hear God's voice. I know that I do not always wish to do so, sometimes I very much wish NOT to do so. Sometimes I fear that I will hear something I do not wish to hear, and sometimes its because I haven't done what I know I was supposed to do. But today I would like to hear my Father, know His heart a little better, move forward in knowing the mind of Christ and allowing myself to be transformed by the renewing of my own. But the distractions are loud, the time moves slowly and I am annoyed that in this moment, of all moments, I cannot block out the interruptions, focus on the task and make good use of this time.

Perhaps this is the beginning of renewing my mind. Perhaps good use of time means one thing to task oriented, goal driven people and something entirely different to the Author of Creation who holds all time in His hand. Perhaps the desire matters more than the tangible results and perhaps the willingness to be present and listen are the end, not the means to the end. I am not sure that I get an answer to that question, not today at least. Tomorrow when I show up to start again, I will ask again. And the day after that. One day I will either know, or it will have ceased to matter. Such seems to be the life of faith.

Not so bad for a woman with a marginal attention span in the midst of all these distractions!

Weekend Wanderings

It's a lazy Saturday. It is a glorious gift not often enjoyed or appreciate, I am afraid. So often I am running as fast as my legs can take me, and happy as a clam. Some folks do not enjoy life at this pace, yet it is deeply satisfying to me on some levels. I hear all the slow down and enjoy the flowers thoughts, they are very good and certainly have their place. I need to hear them more, I need to breathe them in more and certainly my body and soul needs the rest. Today has been all about recovery and restoration, and I have found it deeply satisfying. I slept in this morning. I have recovered my office from the filing demons who pile paperwork up at absurd rates. I have surfed for material to teach in Sunday School. I have watched a rerun of Columbo, taken a long bath and a delightful nap. All have been very nice and all have been restoring to my mind and spirit. I need lazy Saturdays.

But I also need those fast paced days where I run fast and hard. When I work on massive projects and small meetings, where I grab the world, organize it a little better and then put it back. That is also a part of me, of who I am. Much of the frustration I often feel is the need to explain this to folks. I know I go too fast at times, and I take on too much. I know the frantic pace catches up to me and I know it isn't a good plan to stay at full throttle all the time. It may be possible though that I was designed with speed in mind. Perhaps the Father, in His glorious wisdom, made me this way for a purpose. Perhaps the need to make things bigger, better, higher, faster, neater is compulsive and needs some restraint. Is it possible it may also be my contribution to furthering the kingdom? Has anyone thought of that? And while it is not the be all and end all, it is something after all. It is a vast improvement on the kind soul who once sent me an email suggesting I might have been put on the planet just as a warning to others.

My frustrations lead to me wonder this as well: what if all of those folks who frustrate me so much are also designed with eternal significance. What if those who's politics or beliefs make me cringe are part of a tapestry so big that I cannot stand far enough back to see the picture. That instead of wasting my resources trying to repair what seems to me to be serious defects, I applied Romans 14:4 and let the Master deal with His servants. And even more wonder.....what if those who aggravate me so with their helpful insights are an opportunity for me to see clearly my own reflection? Perhaps one becomes enlightened best when one sees a tangible example. Worth pondering, I suspect. And I would, only I am resting today.