Pure in Heart

Dear God,

It's me again.  I am tired and angry, frustrated and fearful, put out and put upon.  I am outraged at injustice and incompetence, and I want very much to stand somewhere high above the maddening crowd pronouncing judgement, calling down thunder and  lightening.  You know that I have lost my way, my focus, and the pure heart that hungers to see you.  Remind me, Father.  Help me see what is important, what is eternal, what is you.

The family?  You have that covered.  You know what my family needs far more than I do.  You know the choices we make, good and bad, and you have promised to redeem them all.  You love perfectly, and you know that nothing, nothing, nothing can separate your children from you.  I can trust that you mean what you say, you will never leave or forsake any of us, and you grace will be sufficient.  I am afraid but perfect love drives out fear, and it will keep us in the palm of your hands.  So, we may be pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.  We will stand because you will make us able.  Paul knew from personal experience what I am living into.  You will be enough.

The job?  You have that covered.  You know the dreams, I think they came from you.  You know the work, the heart, the hope, and the promise we live into.  If it isn't yours. I want to let it go.  If it is, open the doors that bring the victory and the glory back where it belongs, to you.  I am praying that my desire for your will grows in leaps and bounds, and my desire for my own will wither and die.  If this is the pathway that leads to that, help me endure.  If it isn't, then move heaven and earth to see your will done.  You made me, and you know me inside and out, all of my hope depends on you.  Help me to trust that is the only way to go.  You know I am afraid you will leave me in the dust.  I believe in you, please help my unbelief.

The Kingdom?  It is yours.  It was always yours.  I don't know what my part is exactly except to say, here I am send me.  So here I am, willing, fearful, tearful and trying to trust that you will accomplish what you want through me.  It's pathetic how small my faith is at times, and how deep distrust is rooted in my being.  Dig it out of me and replace it with the purity of heart that sees you as you are, not as I imagine.   Create in my a clean, whole, healthy, pure heart, and renew the power and presence of the Holy Spirit in me.

The future?  I want a future from Psalm 27.  I want to live in the Lord's house all the days of my life, seeing the beauty, constantly adoring, sheltered in your dwelling during troubled times.  I want to be hid in secret places, in your own tent, set up high, safe on the Rock. I don't want to fight these demons alone, and I no longer want to fear defeat.  I want to remember victory was won, and is a foregone conclusion.  I want to have my mind in perfect peace as it is focused always on you.

Waiting for peace to return, as it always does.  Thank you for your unconditional love and the promise after promise, reminder after reminder, hope upon hope.   You can always see me, really see me, and make the me you see beautiful.  This is grace.  

Serious talk about Shoes

Perhaps it was Dorthy in the Wizard of Oz, or maybe it was the Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada  but I am pretty convinced there is something magical about shoes.  They have a direct impact on attitude, I am convinced.  You put on a pair of flip flops, with or without embellishment, and you just have that footloose and fancy free feeling that came with being a teenager on summer vacation.   Some nice heels with a little bling and you are a starlet, gracing the world with your presence.  More likely for me would be the sneaker, sandals or most currently, the combination of the two, is the 'bring it on I got this' look.  Should I show up wearing slippers though, someone needs to send me home with a police escort if necessary.  Shoes, I am telling you, it is all about the shoes.

So imagine my surprise to see the man walking up the sidewalk in Nashville, strolling along at a pretty good clip, not wearing any shoes.  I don't know the man of course, and it would have been inappropriate for me to roll down my window and ask him where his shoes might be, but I really wanted to know why he was shoeless.  I could imagine all kind of crud that he must be walking on and over and through on his way to where ever he was going.  I worried about him all that day and he is still hanging out in the back of my mind.  Why, he could cut his feet, or pick up a disease, or wander through some horrible fluids of one kind or another.  Where were the man's shoes for goodness sake!

Then I got to wondering about places where people don't wear shoes.  I am a follower of Katie Davis and I have read her book Kisses from Katie.  I am aware that there are many people without shoes, and I know that they pick up parasites and all kind of infection from roaming without protection.  I know that shoes are often a luxury in places where survival is not a given.  Still, I can't even wrap my mind around a way of life where there are no magical shoes, or the ease to go replace those that are no longer wearable, or I  don't like.  I need to wrap my mind around it though, anything that bugs you that much must be a call from the Holy Spirit.

So I googled Soles4Souls today.  I discovered that not only does this ministry get shoes and clothing

to people who need them, they also create jobs by opening thrift stores so that people will not only get what they need, they can earn money in the process.  They also have an app for your phone that allows you to tack the miles you walk, run or bike and a donation of .25$ is given to help support this ministry.  You know, I don't know a thing about Soles4Souls., I don't know who runs it or what they believe or how effective they are, so I guess this isn't an official endorsement.   I just know that I am somehow concerned about shoes and people who don't have them, and I need to get some good exercise daily, and the combination might just be what the doctor ordered.

We get these prompts from time to time, and I believe they are doorways into partnering with the Holy Spirit for the sake of the Kingdom.  I don't know where this particular pathway leads, but I am putting on my journeying shoes and we will see. 

Thank you Mr. Shoeless Guy, I think I owe you one.

Comfort in Discomfort

What a season we are having, Church!

Just between us, this call to radical hospitality is exhausting, isn't it?  Every Sunday morning we are expected to be on the lookout for all these new people, welcome them and even give them our seats if they wish to sit where we ALWAYS sit.  Everyone will wonder if I am even in church if they don't see me sitting in the same place!  Worse, sometimes I don't even know all of the news because I am on greeter detail, and everyone expects me to talk to all the new people.  Thank goodness I am not a greeter every week!  Still during the meet and greet, I feel like I need to be looking for the new people, because someone will bring it up in my small group.  Going to church recently has just been a lot more work than I remember.


In addition now there is this need to find people who don't know Jesus, when I have spent all of my adult life avoiding them.  I was supposed to choose my friends wisely, remember?  You become like those you are around, I have been told hundreds of times.  I was very intentional about finding good Christian friends.  I love being with people who study the bible and want to talk about God!  Now I am being challenged to find people who don't know God and develop a relationship with them.  I tell you, it is wearing me out.  Have you noticed that people who don't know Jesus don't even care about how often I read my bible, go to church or even my very spiritual small group??? 

Studying Luke's Gospel is also a challenge.  It turns out I can't even invite my friends to a party, I have to invite people who can never throw a party on their own.  I am supposed to go find the lost, friendless, disabled, poor.  They are the people I need to be inviting to church, to the picnics, to my home.  I just don't really know that many people who are poor, or friendless and I worry about people with disabilities.  After all, what if something happens?  Will I know how to help?

Who is the center of my life, I am being asked.   It's Jesus, isn't it?  I read the scripture, I pray, I go to worship regularly, I give to the church, I have even written checks to support missions.  Surely God is the center of my life, Church.  Surely!

Only, there is something that's bothering me about the Gospel...I mean, Jesus does seem to make friends with some odd people.  Jesus does say some hard things to the leaders in the church that sometimes make me a little uncomfortable.  Jesus implies that we all have a cross to bear.   There have been some challenges in my life that I was sure might be the cross He referred to, but now I am wondering if there was more.  In fact, I am beginning to feel very uncomfortable.

I am finding less and less to support the idea that worship should be for me.  I can find nowhere in the scripture where my preferences trump others.  As I read about Paul and Barnabas and all of the first followers of Jesus, I can't find a good example of gathering in a group of believers and shutting out the world.  Even when it was a life or death situation, they still talked about Jesus.  I am more uncomfortable all the time.

What a season, Church!  Why couldn't I have remained happy in my own little Christian world?  Why on earth am I called to such a time as this?  Because I have been blessed beyond measure and I am being invited to help see God's Kingdom come, God's will be done?  Because I have been grafted into the Body of Christ, and as a child of God I can afford to be uncomfortable, since my security is absolute?  Because I have been shaped and formed in the image of Christ for the sake of others?  

You know, those seems like a valid reason.  Being uncomfortable is...uncomfortable, but it is a small sacrifice compared to what we have been given, Church.  How wonderful that God calls us to discomfort together.  Life will be different in the days ahead, and no one likes change.  Still, what if we are the people who, for such a times as this, transform the world?  Would that be worth some discomfort?  I think so, and my grandchildren will think so too. 

Discomfort may be a new spiritual discipline.  Or an old one revisited.  It may even look good on us! 

Politically Impatient

I am beginning to loathe the fall.  This is awful because it is traditionally one of my favorite times of the year.  I got married in September, I love to watch the leaves change, I adore the return of football, my sons loved marching band.  It's just full of all kinds of great activity, and it leads up to all those wonderful holidays.   Typically the weather cools off, but is still delightful.  It's the return to programming everywhere, I get to see people I missed all summer.  What is not to love about that?!

I will tell you!  It is the return to politics.  It is the billion political posts that drive me just about around the bend.  It is the right posting articles about the evil of the left, it is the left posting articles about the evil of the right.  Everyone finds the very thing that will bring enlightenment to everyone else, only it never does.  It simply provokes an article from the opposing party pointing out how unenlightened the first post was.  No one impacts anyone else, except to have them dig in deeper to the position they were already holding.  As to the undecided, they are deciding they don't want to be like either side, and they opt out. 

Already showing up in facebook the battle is launching, and this is not even a presidential election.  There are people I begin hiding because I can't bear to read their quote from one source or another.  You only need to read where it comes from to know what it says.  Can't anyone see this doesn't help anyone but the people who already think what you do?

I am sure I am the nut about this.  Others seem to enjoy the battle, working hard for ammunition to beat the other side.  Lord knows there are industries that thrive because of the on going war.  There has long been the belief that one party helps to hold the other party accountable, but I wonder how much this holds true.  So much in the world has changed, so much intolerance of intolerance, I wonder if we are ready to be people who reclaim some real core identity instead of people who are defined by opposition.

The Church is certainly experiencing a season where we are being called to reclaim our purpose and our heart.  We spent much too long fighting with the opposition on every topic from the way we baptize and who can serve where, to what color our carpet would be.  We were so opinionated and deeply entrenched that the world decided they could be spiritual without us.  In order to be the place that disciples are made, we must return to our first love.  The call Paul gave to the Philippians in Chapter 2 still stands:

 

Therefore, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort in love, any sharing in the Spirit,

 any sympathy, ² complete my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, being united, and agreeing with each other. ³ Don’t do anything for selfish purposes, but with humility think of others as better than yourselves. ⁴ Instead of each person watching out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others.

 

While I am not suggesting that the world of politics pays all that much attention to Paul or the scripture, I do believe it would be a real blessing if the Church could show the world how much better it is to be for something instead of against something.  What if we stopped trying to compete and started complimenting?  What might happen if we made room for difference, and still stayed true to our own beliefs?  What if instead of becoming a big blob of nothing, we became people who are so comfortable with our identity, we didn't need to make others look the same to belong? 

 

Just a thought.  Until then, perhaps I better avoid social media under after election day.

 

 



Hope for the Helpless, Rest for the Weary

Warning Label: Contents of this blog are mostly likely going to be highly opinionated.  Proceed at your own risk.

The Church is God's creation.  The Church is God's preferred way to have people in community reaching people in community.  The scripture help us a lot with the kind of treatment required in community to make this possible.  It describes the type of discomfort we may encounter, it tells us sacrifice, surrender and suffering are a part of the life of a disciple.  We are even told that none of this goes unnoticed by God, who is already at work bringing redemption, healing and wholeness.  I think one can safely say, without much fear of being dismissed as a heretic, that God is all in, about and  all through this Church business.  It is a God thing. 

Then you go into a church and you run into the community and quite frankly you begin to believe that scripture is propaganda for a bait and switch strategy where you think you are getting a ginger bread house, but instead there is a witch in there who wants to have you for dinner, literally.  I don't mean just the laity or just the clergy.  I mean all of these modern day cannibals who seem to enjoy eating their young, old and everyone in between.

So, if you are like me, you start thinking to yourself, hmmm this church thing may need to be decimated from the face of the earth so people stop thinking that's Jesus.  Not that this is the only way to clean it up, but it seems like a permanent solution.  Only, before I can get this even into the public eye, I come across the Church being God's creation.  Church...and church....and God....and community.  Good grief.  Where does the Gospel fit in here?

How, my friends, does the church become the Church again?  Somewhere in the back of my mind is that song 'Cry out to Jesus' by Third Day keeps running through my head:

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus 

 

 

And as I sing along, I wonder if I believe that if I cry out to Jesus, he will come and lead us in the church back to being the Church again.  I say I believe that, but do I pray believing it?  Am I crying out to and for Jesus, or just crying?  I know if it isn't God, it doesn't happen, but I find myself working, and scheming and stressing as if it were all me.  I remember that if it isn't God at work then it just doesn't work at all.  The whole house of cards falls, because this was God's rodeo from the beginning.  How do I get so frantic about saving this for God?!

 

So here is my public confession, I am dedicating myself to  having no hope in any plans that aren't God's plans.  I  am committed to thinking there is no program that will help, if it isn't God's program.  I am almost sure that the church doesn't become the Church until it stops trying to do things for God and starts trying to do things with God.

 

For an overachieving, problem solver, recovering perfectionist, this is a major life change.   In fact, I heard the sound of hell freezing over just a few moments ago.  I just truly believe that it is that simple.  This is God's show.  We are not puppets, we get to choose if we will do what we are asked to do, but this is not our plan, our call or our adventure.  We step into the best adventure ever because in the process we get adopted into the family, with no way to be disinherited, thrown off the island, or sold out by our siblings.  We stay as long as we want to.  Is that a deal or what?!  Of course there is a catch, it will cost us everything and this isn't and never will be our show, it is always God's.  It isn't our party, and we don't get to say how it goes, who gets invited and where it happens.  We just get to come and enjoy the Host.

 

But we get to cry out to Jesus. 

It's a good deal.  Let's take it.

 





Number Phobia

Jesus tells the story of a shepherd who has 100 sheep.  One of them goes missing, and the shepherd leaves the 99 to find the one.  That's how important the one is to the Good Shepherd.   It's a very good parable about how much God loves each one of us.  How great an effort the Good Shepherd will go to bring into the flock each and everyone of us!

I am making this point intentionally, so that no one accuse me of taking the scripture out of context.  However, there is another element to this story, and that one is all about the number. 

The shepherd knows how many sheep he has.  He knows when one of the sheep is missing.  I suspect if the story were allowed to develop, the shepherd would record all of the new sheep that were born into the flock, all of the new sheep purchased to improve the quality of the flock.  The shepherd would know because the sheep are his responsibility.  Healthy sheep are important too, no doubt, but knowing how many you have it vital.  A good shepherd knows how many sheep they can successfully raise on their land.  They carefully breed sheep to have the lambs born in specific seasons.  There is one male to so many females.  This is all about the numbers.

The truth of the matter is numbers tell our stories.   While our stories are always much more than numbers, but you can't leave the numbers out and tell the story.  It is impossible to know if you are growing or shrinking without numbers, you can't possibly know if you are making money, or losing it without numbers, and if you don't know what you had when you started, you have no idea if you have lost any.  The numbers matter.

So why does the church hate to count?  Why do more people than you can possibly imagine spend countless hours developing strategies that keep us from counting who comes to worship, who professes their faith, how churches spend their money?  What are we afraid of, for goodness sake?!

Perhaps we are afraid we will be guilty of being a poor steward of the resources we have been given, like the man with the talents who buried them in the yard.  Perhaps we are afraid we will discover that we failed to develop our own relationship with God, or encouraged others to do so.  Maybe we will find we are ineffective, and not even sure we believe a relationship with God is the core of our being.  Some of us might even discover we no longer believe.  Those are frightful answers, but if they are even partially true, don't you think its long past time that we deal with them?

Running away from numbers will not save us from anything.  They don't set our value, they frame the story we are living.  They tell us where we are, where we were, and what the immediate future is shaping up to be.  Since God holds all we are, all we have, and all we need, the numbers can't hurt us, they only help us identify where God is working so we can get on board.

The shepherd must have times when the numbers aren't good.  He or she has too many sheep, or too few, they are making lots of lambs or none, some have gone missing.   I don't think ignoring the numbers improves them,  In fact, on the basis of my experience and current weight, I can testify that ignoring the scale does not make you the slightest bit thinner.  Paying more attention might have made the remedial action much easier to endure.

If we spent less time fighting about counting, and more time prayerfully considering what the numbers might be telling us, we might even discover God is doing a new thing.  We may not be able to do it the way we have always done it, but I believe with all my heart this dance is far from over.  I see the energy and the passion building, there are new players changing the game and there is more interest and response than ever in my life time.  People are listening, they are responding to mission, the numbers of adult professions of faith are growing.  Maybe the numbers might even tell us a story worth sharing.

I am counting on it!

Beyond Offended

I have been known to be offended.  Sometimes, in that need I have to be counter cultural, I become offended with people who are offended by me.  Being offended has become a God given right.  If I had a nickle for every time someone suggested I be more diplomatic in sharing a concept, I would be at least $2 richer.  We must be politically correct, we should not say anything that would offend others, and if we have been offended we are entitled to notify the newspaper, police department and all of our friends on facebook and twitter.  We put our hands on the proverbial hips and we announce we have been offended, and the traffic halts and there is such a loud corporate gasp that for just a split second all time stands still.  To cause someone to be offended is a sin greater than all other sin combined.  Many a church meeting has been interrupted and derailed because some person offended some other person.

This week the Upper Room posted this picture to their facebook status.   I usually like their stuff, so I always peek to see what they have to say on any given day.  Only Rene Descartes and the Upper Room offended me greatly with this post.  Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it.   

As I try to tell the truth as often as I can, except with regards to my age and my weight, I will confess that this bothered me.  Rene Descartes got right under my skin and try as I might, this little image was stuck in my brain.  Darn it, what do you suppose the Holy Spirit might be saying to me about the right to be offended? 

I am working up a sermon on relational ministry, so I am up to my eyebrows in scripture concerning what Jesus, Paul, Matthew,  Luke, Peter and so many others had to say about doing life together.  I am finding a lot about going the extra mile, sacrificing for others, giving thanks in all things, taking on the mind of Christ, considering it all joy, supporting each other, focusing on the good, abiding in Jesus always, pouring out, being a servant to all, waiting with expectation for the redemption that is coming.  I have found nothing yet that says, be easily offended, demand others honor your desires and sensitivities, insist on your own way, and fight until you are treated in the manner in which you wish to become accustomed.  I haven't given up, but I am beginning to believe Rene and the Holy Spirit are calling me to more.

What would life be like if my spirit could soar so high that offense didn't stick to me?  How much yuck, bad feelings and disappointment would I avoid if it all went by without having any impact at all?  Could there be freedom in avoiding all of that stuff that I dislike so very much in surrendering my right to be offended?

I am almost sold on the idea, but the practical application I see as being challenging.  I have years of experience after all in keeping score, taking offense and getting the satisfaction of having an apology or, if we are really telling the truth, making others pay.  Can I honestly live into a place where offense isn't even a possibility in my faith walk?  I don't know, but I hope so.   I have decided I will take Rene's prayer to be my own.  I want to reach that glorious place that Paul assures me exists: to learn to be content in all seasons, even seasons where others are offensive.  If I can convince my heart that my ego is a bad directional indicator, I see light on the horizon.

 This moving on to perfection is a full time job.  My only hope is to wait on the Lord and to soar on wings like eagles.  I just might learn to like soaring, it looks like fun from where I am standing.

Church: This is not who we are

Everyone has an opinion.  They are a dime a dozen and most people have no problem giving any number of them away.  You can find an opinion on any topic you can think of, and some no one ever has.  While opinions are fascinating, and have the unique gift of helping others learn who we are, they serve no purpose in bringing unity to a community.

The very nature of an opinion divides us from others.  It may help a group of people who share the same opinion find us, and stand around us so we feel affirmed, but they separate us from everyone else.  Has any one noticed lately how good we are a separation?   Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if instead of piling on, the Church became the great connector?

Honestly, taking sides is NOT the purpose of the Church.  I know, it has been the function of the church, but it is not the purpose of the Church.  Church is not a gathering place for like minded people to pat one another on the back and feel good about being like minded.  Yes, I am aware that in many places that is how church is being done.  I understand why that is a natural resting place when we have the option of forgetting the Gospel and settle for a group of people, just like me.  Only, we don't.

We are a people who serve as light bearers to the world we live in.  We have been gifted and called to serve as the hands and feet of Christ to the people we encounter everyday, our neighbors.  We don't wait for the politicians, the legal system, or the poll data, we share the unconditional love of Christ to the best of our ability every day.  Perhaps I said that wrong, we are called to do so.  There are places where they are, but many have forgotten that this is part of the covenant we were adopted into.

God loves us to much that He doesn't withhold anything to restore a relationship with us, not even Jesus.  Jesus lived, died and was resurrected to give us the pathway that leads to this journey, not just for eternity, but for living into this divine, incarnate relationship every day.  Our response to living this relationship leads us to connect with our world to offer the same relationship to everyone we meet.  Even those with opinions that make no sense to us. 

I will confess right now that this relationship with God, expressed in the Trinity,(God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit) is so core to my being that without it I would be a shell of a person.  I know what it has done for me in so many ways I cannot even remember then all.  How could I not want that for every person God sends my way?  How could the Church not?  Even if we don't have the same opinion, freedom is so intoxicating who wouldn't want to offer it to everyone?!  Can I go even farther and say, if we don't want to do so, do you suppose we don't truly have the relationship we are claiming?  Maybe we aren't free ourselves, and how did that ever happen?

It's beyond time Church.  Please wake up and step into the glorious Body of Christ, where we certainly love and support one another, and we eagerly hope to welcome more and more 'parts' so that we get to see God's Kingdom come, and God's will be done.  Will it be more challenging?  You bet it will!  How much is the joy of the Kingdom worth?

My boss wrote a great blog about things the clergy needed to unlearn.  Several people asked him to write the same kind of article for the laity, since we have some things to unlearn too.  He passed on that and asked me to write, from a lay person to a lay person.  So I did. 

 

To all of my fellow laity: We have been highly critical of the clergy for a number of years now.  We have been very vocal about issues with those who serve our local congregations, many valid concerns, and some unrealistic demands.  Though the Church has been slow to respond to the frustration, in recent years there has been a move on the part of the leadership to look at education, pastoral care and the lack of vision that has disconnected the local church from the community.  The lack of discipleship in the local church is reaching critical mass, and the lack of leadership from the clergy is being discussed on every level.

That’s all great news, and important for a move to health and vitality.  It is just half of the picture.  It is time we do our own inventory and look at the things we need to unlearn.  This is my short list:

1.  While our church leaders, Pastor, church staff, are responsible to give vision, direction and guidance, they are not charged with keeping us happy.  We are equally called to service in the Body of Christ, not only to be served.  We are partner in ministry, not consumers.  The staff cannot fulfill their responsibilities in outreach to the community if they are forever holding our hands, listening to our laundry lists of complaints about temperature, sermon topic and new hymns we have never sung before.  It’s time we grow up, take responsibility for our own part of the Kingdom and go to work alongside our church leaders, as we are gifted and called to do.  We were ordained in our baptism after all, not to every role, but to a role.

2.  The church building does not belong to us; it is an asset for ministry.  Our functions are important, and fellowship as believers is essential, but they are not the sole purpose of the building.  Inviting the community to see the building as a great meeting place will connect us with people who would never cross the threshold for a Bible study or a worship service.  Groups who find a home in one of our classrooms may find a home in our church family, particularly if we happen to be in the building when they come and extend hospitality.  We cannot lock the doors during the week in order to keep the building in outstanding condition and the expenses down and think this is a good decision for the life of our church.   It will work for as long as we are here to pay the bills, then one day one of us will be the last one to turn out the light.

3.  Worship on Sunday is not entertainment, and we are not the audience.   Worship is a time for us to gather, hear God’s word, get filled up, and go in the power of the Spirit to change the world.   If you go home and nothing changes, in you or in your world, it’s time to stop and consider where you are disconnecting.    Where there is life, there is growth.  If all of your God stories are from years ago, it might be time to take your spiritual pulse.

4.  There are a lot more of us (laity) than there are of them (clergy).  Why did we ever decide sharing the Gospel was only for the ‘professionals’?   Who has the greatest opportunity to share the love of God with the community?  We do!  What is the best way to share your faith with others?  Live it, all the time, in all of the places you go.  Be the love of God the world is hungry for, offer grace and mercy, be the disciple you would like others to become. In football terminology, most plays work better if the team huddles up, hears the call and plays their position.  We like to huddle up, hear the call and go sit in the stand to see how it goes.  Let’s get on the field, people.

Real change, deep change, begins one person at a time.  We have to do the hard work of moving from consumer to partner, give up rights and pick up our responsibilities, desire that others develop deep relationships with Jesus Christ enough to surrender being the center of the church.  Growing up in grace means we are so secure in our identities as children of God and people of immeasurable worth that we can afford to sacrifice for the sake of others.  What will we get if we choose to be faithful?   I believe we will begin to see the God’s Kingdom come, and God’s will done.  That’s a legacy for our children and grandchildren that will be worth the discomfort change brings.  It’s time brothers and sisters; let’s be the change we are ready to see.

My Father's Daughter

Have you ever noticed that when a holiday occurs, with no real deep memories to trigger reflection, you still end up reflecting?  It's somewhat ridiculous that I can think of no deep meaningful moment my dad and I had on a Father's Day, yet every year when Father's Day rolls around, I think of my dad.

The only Father's Day I have any distinct memory of is the year I left for camp on Father's Day.  My dad drove to my friends home and her incredibly good looking older brother loaded my stuff from one car to the other, and whispered to me in the process "Say happy Father's Day to your dad."  So of course I did, and I don't remember my dad's response at all, but I do remember thinking I would go to the moon and back if this guy suggested I should.  Not really a good father memory.....

My dad was not a warm fuzzy kind of dad.  There were no father/daughter dates though he seemed to like me just fine, particularly when I got married young and moved out of the house.  He was more of a spectator, and occasionally a critic, though not excessively.  Music was his life, always had been, so he didn't really enjoy my musical education from others, and while not personally critical, he was certainly displeased with my instructors.  "Argh!" was a frequent comment on a variety of subjects.  He like his children best when they were off being good somewhere close by but not too close by.

My dad was extremely private and he was not given to share his deep thoughts on many subjects.  If pushed he would respond briefly, uncomfortably, often with another argh!  He never wore shorts, and he never swam.  I don't know why, as in his young years he worked as a life guard and there are pictures where he clearly has legs.  I never did get to know why, though as a persistent little person I asked over and over.  My mother took us to the pool often, and he said she was Esther Williams, and they laughed, but my siblings and I had no idea why that was funny, or who Esther Williams might be.

My dad was fascinated by his Scottish roots, taking us the highland games every year.  The bagpipes when they were all played together always made me cry.  He wore his tartan with pride, and fit right in with all the clan.  I thought I might like to take up Scottish dancing, as it looked fascinating, but there didn't seem to be many Scottish dancing classes close to my home in Pittsburgh.  For his funeral my father requested a bagpipe player in the cemetery.  A friend made the arrangements and there he was, dressed to the nines, standing in the cemetery with the snow blowing past him.  First time I shed tears was listening once again to him play Scotland the Brave and thinking how much my father loved that.  Of course, the second thought was, how did we know they didn't bury my father with his head pointed the wrong way?  Nothing rational about funerals.

My father taught all his life, and he had some brilliant students along the way.  He wasn't great with his hands, he wasn't terribly athletic, and looking at pictures of him now, I realize he wasn't really all that tall.  He was pragmatic, and forward thinking.  He was always moving on, and didn't suffer with the 'what if' syndrome.  He accepted things as they were and he stoically faced most of life challenges.  He had struggles professionally and personally like everyone else, but you would have never known that from the outside. 

The last week we spend together he talked of the major events in his life.  The places he took his choirs that he was proud of, the music that spoke to his heart, the things he found enjoyable.  In the end he found peace with God in the most ordinary of ways when an Episcopalian priest brought him communion, literally the last meal he ever consumed.  He wanted me to know he was peaceful and at home with God because I had badgered him with my desire to know God the way I did all of my adult life.  I badgered God too.  Neither paid the slightest attention to me, but both honored my heart when it mattered.  When I lost my dad, I knew he had gone home to my Father.

Almost 15 years later I have come to some real peace about my Father too.  I realize that though my dad may have missed some key moments in my life, my Father never did.  My dad was a good man, a wounded man doing the best he could with what he had.  My Father is the dad my heart has always hungered for, and of course the Mother too.  That deep need for love, acceptance, belonging, home that I have looked for in every significant relationship in my life, and always felt some disappointment, was always present, possible and just as hungry to have me.  By far the most amazing, miraculous, unbelievable joy in my life was discovering God wanted me as much if not more than I wanted God.  And a billion others, just like me.

So thank you, dad for being who you are and were to me through some roller coaster years.  Thank you God for being the Father I need and hunger for.  Thank you for waiting for me to figure out that when our relationship is right, relationship with others is so much better because I don't need what they can't give.  Happy Father's Day.

Lost

Yes, I admit, long after the craze is over, I have become a Lost junkie.  Far from being hip enough to be on board when it launched in 2004, or even to be in for the close in 2010, I wander into the land of Hulu and started to watch while recovering from pneumonia last month.  Downton Abbey was fabulous but I had finished all those episodes and still had "I don't feel great" time on my hands.  A friend said would enjoy watching Lost, the message was good.  Hmmmmm, I thought.  It sounded like the land I was living in, so Lost it was.

I was pretty sure early on that Lost was not going to be for me.  First, there was a lot of blood.  I don't really care for television that seems to think blood is an essential ingredient.  I think blood, like many bodily fluids, is best kept out of the line of vision.  Then there was all of the shooting.   A lot of shooting.  For an island that seemed to be limited in populations to those who were on the airplane that crashed, they kept shooting one another, yet there were always more people to shoot later.

Then there was some weird science fiction theme that confused me to no end.  Why were those people on the island anyway, and if they could come and go in a submarine, why was it that Jacob said they couldn't leave the island?!  Numbers, buttons, people filling out notebooks no one read, it was all...well, slightly frustrating.  I found myself wondering if the writers were giggling as they wrote saying, telling each other "they will be trying to figure that all all summer"!  It could be that I am a bit of a cynic.

Yet, somehow I was hooked.  I began to think Lost thoughts.  I wondered about what it might mean if we lost some of the structure and boundaries that we perceive help us feel safe, like laws and law enforcers.  I started wondering how civilized we really were under the surface.  I started thinking about the stories of redemption: the crack head kicking his habit and dealing with his issues, the cripple walking and dealing with his father issues, the woman who goes to unbelievable lengths to protect her mother, to have all of that literally blow up in her face.  What if we were given the opportunity work through our accumulation of junk, stored in our mental attics, because we had to?  How would that impact who we were?

Lost somehow got into my interior space and started rabbits all over the place.  It got a little old in the middle, as though Lost was LOST, and then found itself again in the end.  In the end was death of course.  It is not a subject we explore often, no one seems to be excited about talking about death.  Its the constant we can all depend on but even our hero Jack had a hard time coming to grip with his death.  Death is somehow the ultimate failure in our culture.  But Lost does this remarkable thing.  In the middle of a Catholic Church, Lost makes death a journey into light.  I liked the end.  I liked the light,  the love, and the reunion.  I liked to see the redemption complete.  I liked that in death there is no 'now',  that's a nice thought.  I liked the tenderness, the radical hospitality that accepts people as they are and lets them find their own way.  It was really satisfying.

But all of that is beside the point.  This is not a nice show for Christians to debate the meaning of life/death and resurrections.  For the most part, this was a show for those who don't even consciously know they are discussing such topics.  It was wild fantasy, science fiction, violent, thought provoking, romantic, crazy interpersonal relationships, with a polar bear or two thrown in for fun.  It was good versus evil, but it was hard to figure out who was good, and it was dealing with our issues and letting go, and it was belonging.  No one was trying to talk about God, but God was everywhere!  Isn't that amazing? 

Everytime I start thinking how important I am, or the Church is, I discover yet again that God is showing up in the wildest places, without any help from me.   I don't mean at all that God doesn't ask all of us to participate in this amazing grace, but it isn't our shoulders that need to bear the enormous weight.  God has this covered!  David Breen said, in a workshop about discipling communities, we are not supposed to be worrying about inovation as much as incarnation.  How do we find where God is at work and join?

I missed the boat on Lost.  I can't help but wonder if I had been following this years ago what conversations might have started.  I feel sure someone was listening better, and used the show as a spring board to talk about what redemption is, what light is, how God helps all of us reconcile our issues by providing us an advocate and a way home.  I wish it had been me, but its not too late.  I might need to be watching where God is working today.  Jump on that boat and see where the Spirit lead. 

Lost sums it up well,  Grace does too!  Tomorrow is a new day, and a new opportunity to watch, go, and connect with God.  I intend to be ready.