PUSH

The story is told of a man who is visited by God.  God takes him outside his cabin and points to a large bolder.  God tells the man to push against the boulder until God passes his way again.  The man is puzzled but obedient and each morning he rises early and he heads outside to push against the boulder.  He takes a small break for lunch and returns to push the boulder until sunset.  Day after day after day the man pushes the boulder until months go by, finally a year, then two.  One day, God returns and he finds the man exhausted, feeling defeated, sitting in the shade of the boulder.  God inquires why he has stopped pushing the boulder,  "Day after day," the man replies, "I have pushed against this boulder.  I pushed the boulder in the sunshine, in the rain.  I pushed when people came to visit and when I was alone.  Faithfully, I have pushed this boulder and in all this time, the boulder has not moved.  Today I have given up.  I cannot move this boulder."  God inquires gently, "Who asked you to move the boulder?" 

I just need to say that I am not fond of this story.  I know it is a parable of sorts, and of course it makes a good point.  We often assume that when we are given a job to do, some results ought to occur.  After all, what kind of a job is it to stand and push against a boulder.  Surely one must expect that with time the boulder would move and we would see the results of all that hard work.  Who could expect us to find great fulfillment simply in pushing? 

Who asked you to move the boulder?  A very good question, of course, just an infuriating one.  I know that when God asks us to do something, God is not required to explain the request,  God is God after all and we are not.  It is just hard for me, really close to impossible, to do a job I have been asked to do that seems to make no sense.  No logical, practical, measurable, valuable, even intangibly rewarding sense.  Push the boulder, push the boulder, push the boulder.  Why, why, why?

Since it seems that I am often given jobs like pushing against boulders and see little or no results of this labor, I am re-examining this little parable to figure out how I might push with more joy and less frustration.   First thing I note is that God comes to see me.  This is pretty astounding, and well worth pondering.  After all, who am I that God would come to visit?  I am no one, except for the identity I have in God.  I am His child and for no reason, God loves me abundantly and unconditionally. He entrusts me with His presence and is willing to give me a job.  This is just pretty awesome, actually. 

Then I think about what it means to be assigned a responsibility by God, or called into service, as we like to say in steeple speech.  I like to think I am called into mission and ministry, I am just not always clear that I know how.  I am often confused because I thought I was called to make disciples and further God's kingdom.  Maybe  I was called to keep trying to make disciples and further God's kingdom.  The difference is small but important: I keep pushing, God covers the movement part. 

Finally, I think about how tired I get sometimes.  I don't get a little weary, or that really satisfied tired.  I get empty tired, like when you have been sick for a little while and you begin to wonder if you will ever feel good again.  Its an ugly tired and it leaves me wondering if I made up the whole call thing.  Why is that?  Why do I get that tired, and build up resentment ,and focus on the minor annoyances instead of the major joys.   I think I forget about being faithful and obedient, and instead focus on the results of all that pushing that tell me I am doing a good job.  My attention span is limited, God seems to be slow in returning, and I wonder if it matters at all that I go on pushing this ridiculous boulder.  Faithfulness and obedience are not really qualities that are prized in the world I am surrounded by.   I am burning up and out because I am trying to make my culture fit into my relationship with  God.  It cannot work that way, I know that.  Yet, still I repeat the same mistake over and over again. 

Then God stops by to see me again. " Dear one", God says to me, "why are you heart sick and defeated?"  "It's this darn boulder God, it wont move, it just sits there day after day.  I have read all the right books, I have worked long hours, I have pushed with creativity, and intelligence, and passion and vision.  I am your most reliable pusher.  I don't take made up holidays off, I am always looking for ways to push better.  And nothing, it isn't budging!"  "Yes, I see that", God responds to me.  "But honey, who asked you to move the boulder?"