Letting go

Many years ago, more than I am admitting to by a long shot, I came across an article that Sue Monk Kidd had written for Guidepost about her daughter and a helium balloon. She had offered to hold the helium balloon for her daughter or tie the balloon to her wrist but instead her daughter insisted on holding the balloon herself. She said she could take care of it best, or words to that effect. Of course, when she stepped outside the wind caught the balloon and pulled it out of her hand, up and away. That life lesson taught me the outcome of when I try to hold onto things, thinking I can hold them best. Up and away they go as soon as a breeze catches them.

Many areas in my life I have surrendered to God's authority. I am able to hold my hands open in lots of places, some without a twinge of concern. But there are others that no matter how I try and how many pep talks I give myself, I cannot seem to pry my fingers apart and I think I hold that thing best. Having lost a balloon or two recently, I feeling a greater sense of urgency to get better at this.

The connection between being responsible and conscientious and taking good care of the tasks given me and the discipline of trusting God and keeping my hands open is hard to keep in balance. If I am too open handed sometimes things slide off into oblivion and the balloon is long gone. If it is too tightly gripped God is likely to pull it out because, after all, He is God and can do what He wants. Worse yet, He allows me to discover what happens when I think I know best.

There are moments when I am absolutely worn out by the intentional disciplined lack of response . My desire to reach out and grab hold of something that needs, in my opinion, some serious reorganization is almost all consuming. Letting stuff go, not commenting out loud, trusting God who seems to be taking no action whatsoever makes me so irritable I could scream. Sometimes the only way I can not say what I am thinking is too force my lips together and stop all communication whatsoever. I find it helpful to say to myself over and over "they were not put on the planet to make you happy, you know". "He is God and I am not", "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" "for everything there is a season" and finally, "Vengeance is mind saith the Lord" are also of comfort. My son Sam on occasion likes to report on people who are not the boss of him, I have adopted that habit. You would be quite amazed at the number of people who are not the boss of me, some of them would be stunned.

I do not know why God wants us to grip with all of our energy His hand and trust Him to do the balloon carrying, but I know He does. Honesty forces me to admit that trusting God doesn't mean we get to keep all those balloons. In fact, releasing them to His care does sometimes mean we truly are letting them go and even trusting a loving Father doesn't make the release painless. In fact sometimes it is so painful it takes your breathe away. I don't know how you submit to letting go knowing this is an option except to remember that holding on is sometimes even worse.

So, I am practing releasing again. I think balloons always look so pretty flying away in the sky. As long as they aren't mine.