Holiday Memories

I must have grown up watching one Christmas special too many. I have spent a ridiculous amount of my life trying to have the perfect Christmas. The Father Knows Best kind of Christmas, with a light sprinkling of snow, carols playing softly in the background, a cracking fireplace with stockings hung. My perfect husband in his smoking jacket, pipe in hand, beaming at our 2.5 children and a well groomed and perfectly disciplined dog who, of course, is snoozing on the hearth. Everyone so happy with their gifts, the room immaculate and well decorated, the wrapping paper and assorted holiday litter magically disappears once the gifts are opened. Food is hot and delicious and on the table, whenever we want to eat it and the dishes simply wash themselves and put themselves away. In the warm and fuzzy glow, we entertain our dearest friends and family, then relax the evening away reading our new books or perhaps playing one of the many delightful board games one of us has received for Christmas. Everyone enjoys playing, there is much laughter and then we all warmly congratulate the winner, along with some good natured ribbing which the winner takes in good part, and all go off to bed, delighted with Christmas and the joys of being part of such a wonderful family. Okay, how many times do you suppose this happened in my family? No cheating now, don't compare answers. How on earth did you all guess right? Exactly, none. Zero.


Let's see, a typical Christmas would be my husband and I, bleary eyed from wrapping until the wee small hours and wrestling with those pesky little 'some assembly required'. If he had a pipe in his hand it was either part of the plumbing that was leaking or we had ended up with one of those irritating 'extra parts' from the 'some assembly required' gifts. Our gifts threatened to be lost in the mounds of wrapping paper laying everywhere and should there have been a fire in the picture the room would have spontaneously combusted. The dog most often chewed up someone's something and invariably, as we gathered to play a new game, the rule debate was heated and the good humored playing developed into fairly stiff competition quickly.


So, you might imagine that for many years, once the gifts were opened and everyone had gone off to their own parts of the house, I would retire to the bath tub, book in hand, and feel a sense of disappointment that somehow I had failed at Christmas magic one more time. One year, it dawned on me that the only one disappointed was me. My family was as happy as they could be, and I was making myself miserable. Not only that, but I am fairly sure that when you make yourself that miserable, some of it is bound to get on others. How can it not?


And so, one year I gave it up for Lent. I decided I would just enjoy Christmas as it unfolded and allow it to be whatever it ending up being. It was probably the best gift I have ever received or given for that matter. The ghosts of Christmas perfect were uncomfortable companions but the ghost of Christmas fully present has been a welcomed replacement. Enjoying the day as it is has been such a relief, and the memories are so much more genuine, funny and ours.


After reading various Advent devotionals this year, I can't help but wonder if this isn't the way all life, not just holiday life, was meant to be lived. Allowing the ghosts of perfect living to go, and welcoming in the Spirit, that is fully in each of the present moments, could be true freedom. What if we allowed ourselves to live without expectation, anticipation or even dread? What if we just trusted that He who began a good work in us would truly bring it to completion, just like He said it would, even if we don't know what that means exactly.


Maybe this is something worth taking with me into Lent this year. I am always looking for something else to surrender. Well, something I wont miss as much as chocolate, anyway.