Have I mentioned I am a Steelers fan?

I am beyond a Steeler fan, in fact. Like all true Steeler football fans, we are not just enthusiastic about our team, we are truly fanatical. We know when the draft is and we know who we are anticipating adding to the team. We know when training camp is, where it is and what days we can go and get pictures. Steeler fans will travel almost any distance to see a Steeler game, often showing up in Atlanta and Cincinnati and Tenessee and every where else the Steelers visit on the road, dressed in black and gold, carrying their Terrible Towels and fuzzy team logo blankets and settle in for a game as if they were in their own back yard.

I once visited Cincinnati to see a Steeler game and while our tickets were in the nosebleed section and surely should have been for Cincy fans, we were hardly the only black and gold fans in the stadium. At one point when the team was driving the ball down the field the crowd seemed to be singing in one voice that echoed around the stadium "here we go Steelers, here we go". We had with us a friend who is really more a Philadelphia fan that a Steeler Fan. He spent most of the game wondering if we would get beaten for wearing all that black and gold. Strangely enough no one messes with Steelers fans very often, unless of course it is another Steeler fan. I think it's something about the way large groups of them keep appearing, but it could be the zeal they project in competition.

They have had a fairly decent season, certainly some highs and lows but currently it is all glorious. Today they became the AFC champions and will go on to the Superbowl. This is such good news that I am certainly doing the happy dance and feeling so proud of my hometown. I had to leave the game about half time to go to a worship service for a Chrysalis weekend. I truly felt torn about where to be, at home cheering on my team, at church supporting our teens. So I compromised and I went to worship but I brought my cell phone and my wonderful family sent me text messages and kept me informed about what was happening.

I understand this is definitely cheating. I was not fully engaged in worship, I was very much distracted and my prayers were extremely focused on discussing my desire that the kids were having an amazing weekend as well as my team scoring a lot and winning the game. As we entered communion time I began to feel somewhat convicted and tried to focus on the service only my phone buzzed and I just really wanted to know what it said. It was probably several minutes after the game was over and we had won before I felt I could legitimately look and not feel guilt for being unfocused.

It has nothing to do with first loves. I am confident of this. I love God first and foremost and football is not in competition with God for time and priority in my life. I make it through the off season without too much withdrawal. I will admit to reading the hometown paper on line and follow what is happening with the team but not every day. I have missed some games because of other events and I have stopped going into mourning until Wednesday the weeks we don't win. I only wear black and gold during the games though I do drink out of my Steeler coffee mug year round. I am trying to manage the mania.

Tonight I might have failed. I wore my black and gold to worship, I confessed my sins of distraction during communion but I also interceded for my team. I did not check my phone during the prayer for the kids and the leadership but the minute we said amen I was on it. When we had won it was very hard not to interrupt worship to give thanks publicly. I would like a little credit. I was present after all. I greeted all of the kids with a hug and told them I was praying for them at the right moment. Perhaps not single minded focus, but partial credit for faithfulness.

Is God a Steeler fan? How could He not be?! I suspect God is a fan of all of His children and perhaps wishes we would take some of that passion and apply it to our relationship with Him. Where one day we might spontaneous erupt with 'here we go Jesus here we go'. I think God would be honored if one day at a Steeler game, I missed a play or two because I was checking my cellphone to see if worship touched someones heart and they came forward to make a public confession of faith. A real touch down with eternal implications.

I am not giving up my Steelers, and I am not going to feel less passionate about the game, but I do want to take some of that passion and carry it over to my walk with God. I want to truly yearn for time with Him, to be excited about His kingdom that never has an off season. God always wins that Superbowl, and if we just choose to play for the home team, so do we.

Not to say that I am biased but, it will be real nice if that same kind of victory could spill over in two weeks for my Steelers!

The Growing Rumble

I have for sometime, as long as I can remember, had this feeling of dissatisfaction over the state of the union within the Mainline Church. I have felt a sense of outrage at the clergy on the whole and the mess the churches seemed to be in. I have met other devout believers who's solution was to leave the Mainline Church and to become part of the non-denominational churches, because they had a higher standard and encouraged others to adopt a higher standard for themselves. Sure they saw these churches as having the potential to be legalistic or personality driven. They knew there were things they had to be careful about, and were. But they found in the Mainline Church a blandness of keeping the status quo with no standards that might be divisive and confrontational so that they found it was better to take the risks and go someplace that fed them, rather than stay where they had always been and starved to death. For a long time, I agreed with them.

When I ended up in a Mainline Church after a move to Kentucky, I was both frustrated for myself and embarrassed to tell my friends where I was in church. I tried not to be in a Mainline Church, trust me. I hauled my family to every church in Western Kentucky when after months of trying ever flavor and variation we could find, my son chose our church because they had a boy scout troop and he wanted to be a boy scout. I stayed in the church though I found the worship flat and the spirituality shallow. I kept wondering why on earth I was in this church. I prayed with intensity that God would change the Church and make it a light on a hill and a witness to the community or He would move me. There were moments when I bailed on the light on a hill and just pleaded to be moved.

I fell in love with the people there. They are darling wonderful people and in them I often saw my Father's eyes, heard His voice and felt His presence. It was enough mostly to sustain me, though often I was angry that there wasn't more. There were several moments that confirmed every judgement I had every made about church leadership and I was finding all of my nourishment came from Sunday School and folks outside the church. Thank God for CFO and the Emmaus community, I might never have found deeper waters.

Several years ago, I accepted a call to ministry and went to work at my Mainline Church. I struggled with these like a tiger, confronting my own frustrations with the church and the responsibility to support it. I found myself distancing myself ever further from it's leadership and judging it with even more severity. I was lost and wondering if I had heard right or had jumped into the fire from the frying pan. I wanted to be a part of the process that God uses to call His people further in, higher up. I wanted the church to be a part of the process too. I wanted the church to be the church but I kept running into people who preferred to play church.

My first trip to the Annual Conference was enough to send me home to pack my clothes and move as far away as I could. It was a miserable experience, I was sure God had never been invited to an Annual Conference. I know God is everywhere and I know that nothing can ever seperate us from the love of God and for this I am very thankful. Conference is the closest I wantto get to testing this.

Gradually, in the Mainline Church, I began to find others like me. First it was one voice here and there, then there were more and now, the voices are beginning to be loud enough to be a hum of change. I used to be so shocked when I heard another voice talking about discipleship, hungering for more, moving from the scriptural to the spiritual, sacraficial, sacramental. I would stop in my tracks, and in my excitement, wish like Peter to build a shelter and stay forever. I am still so happy when I find someone who's hearts cry is for more of God but I am less shocked. I am sure God is calling up many and how exciting to be allowed to see such a wonderful time of renewal and remembering.

There are more and more within the Mainline Church. Many more that God is calling home again. There is a pride in the heritage given us by the faithful who have gone before us, and a realization that we do stand on the foundation they made strong. There is a hunger to both know more of God and share more of God with others. There is a great deal of interest and concern over how we share our faith with others and invite them in than I have heard for a long time. We are discussing worship and education and resources with an eye for excellence. Those who are being successful are sharing their best practices and many are taking advantage of the opportunity to learn.

We are far from on the home stretch. Some days I could just cry over those who want to keep the status quo, even though it is the path to certain death. I had someone tell me today why it was they couldn't do work that could mean turning their church around. They are busy and they have grandchildren. Gosh. I guess I didn't have an answer for that.

Still, if you stop and listen you will hear it. It's not quite a force yet, but it is growing in momentum and by the grace of God, I believe it is going to become a climate change. One day very soon, it is my prayer that those in the non- denominational churches will feel less seperates us than currently. I pray that our discipleship process is second to none and what people see when they look at Mainline Churches are transformed lives; A light on a hill, the hands and feet of Christ to the world around us.

I am not quite to proud yet of my Mainline Church, but I am closer every day. I have great hope for what God will do. I hope He will let me be one of the noise makers, no matter how small. I want my grandchildren and their children to stand on the solid foundation this generation will secure for them. The sound of God's people crying out for God's face.

Second Verse, same as the first

Anyone remember a song about Henry VIII that had that line, "Second verse, same as the first"? I don't remember who sang it, though I know with google as a ready resource there is no excuse for not knowing. It's that today I am lazy and I do not want to take the time to look it up. Not only that but I am using a borrowed computer and none of the things work like my things. I do not know why this should be the case. I would think if I like it to be a certain way, everyone should feel similarly inclined. What would the point be otherwise. I mean, lets get real here. I do stuff that makes sense. Always.... Mostly. I intend to do that anyway.


Back on topic, here we are in January and I am working hard to stick to my plans for 2009. I am trying to do my Bible study every day. I am going to the gym at least three times a week, and I am trying hard to eat more sensibly. I am looking at time management and trying to make sure I am taking care of all my people. Only daggone it, something goes wrong from time to time. I don't know what the something is. I don't plan for it to go wrong, if you know what I mean. I have often failed because I made my schedule so doggone rigid that one deviation and the whole thing sunk. So I was intentional about making sure that didn't happen. I looked at my calendar and didn't do several things I would have enjoyed doing because....they didn't fit in and I was trying not to overload my time. I have been thinking a little before I put things into my mouth and I allowed a wonderful butter cream frosting laden piece of cake to be tossed after only a bite or two. Wait! Is that the sound of a bell ringing somewhere? Surely I have earned my wings by now! Is it okay to quit now?


I will admit I am the worst person at tolerating people who think intention is all that matters. That thinking good things, and even going good places should be enough. There is no accomplishment and I find this infuriating not only because there is no change but also, because they are so smug and satisfied because they talked about, because they agreed it was a good idea. Because they read the book, attended the seminar, because they got their card punched. I am scathing in my criticism of such behavior and I constantly demanding they step up, work hard, by gosh accomplish something.


Then these resolutions come around and the truth is revealed. I am carping at my own image in the mirror. I am when it comes to personal commitment to follow through just as intention based verses of accomplishment based as anyone. I am pleased as punch to have made the effort and feel it is okay not to want to ride it out in the day to day, one foot in front of the other, living it out. I tried is enough. The second verse, the same as the first.I am committing to changing the song. I am determined that by the grace of God this year, I will sing a different kind of verse, one about daggone it I have screwed up but I am starting again. One about not finished but moving forward, not home, but heading in that direction. I know, of course, I cannot will myself to stick it out, try harder, get it right. I promise you, I am driven enough that if that is all it took, we would be finished.  I know God meets us in perseverance and faithful surrender to His will. He wants to write a new second verse for all of us. One about His mercy new every morning and one about His grace being sufficient and His redeeming nature making those places once broken, whole. Want to read a second verse? Check out the Bible; the Psalms are full of them, as are the Old Testament, the Gospels, the letters. It wasn't about getting in and stopping, filled with great intentions and low expectations. It is about getting in, dreaming big and, in partnership with the Holy Spirit, learning to sing a new song.


I am ready for a new verse, the old one has lost it's charm and it's familiarity no longer is enough comfort. I am ready for more, God is waiting to teach me more. I hope this verse rocks! I think I can already hear the drum line.

Putting the fun in dysfunctional

My trip to the hometown reminds me of the realities of family too. I can't remember who first said my family put the fun in dysfunctional, but it is a great line. I am pretty sure most families can relate in some way. I mean, look at the Brady Bunch. Sure it was a great house, but the kids all needed psychiatric intervention.

I have had some time to consider all the dysfunctions I might identify within my own family. We have a tremendous tendency to retreat rather than state our anger or annoyance. I don't mean temporarily, this is most likely a very wise thing to do. No, I mean, we tend to take our stuff and go home. For a long time. We hardly ever had a fight though. Someone does something we find annoying and we disappear for years at a time. Often leaving the person who has offended us perplexed as to what caused the annoyance. The continued absence is I think our way of making sure someone knows there has been an offense but we do not claim that at all. We just say to ourselves, I am not putting up with that and poof, we are gone. I thought this was unique to my family but I think it is more of a cultural trait either from our heritage or our region, because many of my friends and extended family do the same thing. No declared warfare, just withdrawal. I guess it is a product of avoid confrontation at all costs, but it is really hard to resolve.

Which leads me to dysfunction two, the land where there is no resolution. I had a frank discussion with my brother a couple of years ago when he told me how it was on a Thanksgiving day some where in time memorial, he and another brother got into a fight and I sided with the other brother. I am sure this was a painful memory for him, I just have absolutely no recollection of this. None whatsoever. I said as much which was even more annoying. I suppose if I had been carrying around this painful moment and discovered that the party who made me so mad had no recollection, I would be incensed too. I hope I would also stop and wonder if the problem wasn't me carrying it around...maybe. But this would be certainly running counter culture. I am stunned to hear, no matter where I go, a catalogue of offenses the the party in the first part is recanting about a party in the second part we both know. I am not talking last week, or even last month or perhaps last year. I am talking about high school, or elementary school. Gosh, I have a hard time remembering anything from elementary school except Ms. McGhehee who made me put my desk in the closet and old Lady White who I am sure is still terrorizing children somewhere. I also remember pretty well, I was a wild child and all of them had their hands full with me and my, "I tell ya what" attitude. Yes and Scott Clark kicked me in the nose with his cowboy boots once. I am not still mad though because I whooped him on any number of occasions to even the score.

My mom, bless her sweet heart, crosses back and forth between being an instigator and a peacemaker. It's a full time job, I tell you. I suppose she has had years of practice and had to adjust from being a country girl who was taught that family was everything and you worked out your irritations or let them go, to a city girl who had to deal with folks who thought their annoyance was everything and took their ball and went home all the time. I think I might have gone home myself. Only I was the bridge, I stayed and beat up everyone who annoyed me. Goodness, why didn't they make me a role model?

Dysfunction is reality, I think. Learning to live with it with grace is divine intervention. I hope we remember that, look for that and give thanks for that.