Introspection

I was back at Taize Worship. I almost didn't go, I was having one of those days. I had two different commitments at the same time, to go to Taize would have meant driving thirty minutes, and I was feeling very tired of people. I don't really know exactly why it was I went, but I did.

Taize is a simple service which appeals to me very much these days. Simple chants are sung in Latin and English and there is much silence and the celebration of communion. Since I work at a church and have a part in planning and participating in leading worship, I appreciate so much the simplicity of Taize and the freedom to just worship. The sanctuary seems to come alive in the silence and the sunlight through the stained glass. A shadow from a tree, moving in the breeze, feel on one of the windows and it made the picture seem to be in motion. It was fascinating to watch.

I seemed to have no voice to sing. That seems to happen sometimes and I find it more frustrating to try so I listened to some glorious sopranos. And in listening I began to wonder about the difference between participating in and partaking in. I think I was partaking but I wasn't participating. Unless one considers listening as participation.

I looked up partaking in the dictionary and discovered that while it certainly means to participate, it means more: to receive, take, or have a share or portion, to have something of the nature or character. If that is the difference, to receive, have a share in and the same nature, then I want lots of partaking at worship.

In the beauty of the setting, in the sweetness of the voices, in the simplicity of communion served neighbor to neighbor, I was partaking in genuine worship in the purest sense of the word that I know. I was sitting in the presence of God in the company of my brothers and sisters and asking him to make himself known to me in new and deeper ways that my mind is capable of absorbing. I don't think I had any profound revelation, but peace settled on my head and shoulders and I relaxed a little. It didn't quite get to my heart, but I wasn't very receptive either.

This past Wednesday I celebrated communion in a different worship setting, I felt the same sense of wonder and awe in the silence of worship. In the midst of a conference on worship, a local church invited us in to worship with them. They had worked on the service and not long before we arrived the power went out. All the electrical elements went out the window. We worshipped by candlelight and acoustic guitar. The pastor spoke by candlelight and read us scripture by flashlight. Their expensive sound system went unused and their beautiful screens and the slides someone took the time to get ready sat unused and in the dark we listen for the word and met God in a different way in communion. And though I could not really participate as I might have if all that had been functioning so I could see the words and read along, I was partaking as I was being led and I was following as there was nothing else to do and very few things to distract me. It was deeply and profoundly worship in simplicity.

I think I am learning that both participating and partaking have their place, as do worship settings and sound systems. And I want to have them all to complete the picture. And in meeting God, in whatever form or fashion, the goal is to be fully present, eager to learn more, regardless of the setting. Hard to do that when that is also work, but it needs to be a priority as do times when I worship elsewhere. I need to breathe in God so breathing him out is both natural and intentional. And in partaking I experience God in ways I cannot define or describe. This is sacramental and I want more. Today, still at the conference, I worshipped in a huge auditorium with 1500 others in both traditional and contemporary settings. I participated fully in both. They were fun and energy filled. This is sacramental as well.

Balance is a funny thing. Wonder if I ever figure it out?