Theological Confusion

I have entered the world of theological discourse against my better judgement. I have had the option to do this at numerous times in my life. I have shied away mostly because I hate all the intellectualizing faith. If it could be understood intellectually, I think it already would have been. I always come away from such discussions with the conviction that we are less interested in knowing more of God and more interested in proving our brilliance. I think I have also had the uneasy feeling that if I allowed my faith to become an academic exercise it would end up meaning little. It has been too valuable to me to take that risk.

I wont say that I went into class with an open mind, I did not. I went with the boundaries well set and my prejudice well established. I listened for trigger words and I had already made up my mind how I would respond. I knew the professor was a woman and I was ready for her to be a militant feminist and I was ready to discount that. I always pray before any class that I would learn something new of God in spite or because of those in charge. Confess freely that I was sure it would be in spite and I was right. It was in spite of me.

I was right, you know. We had much intellectual discussion, not with any destination in mind, just opening our minds to possibilities. The professor was a feminist and had an agenda, though not the agenda I anticipated. We discussed every reformer along the way and considered their theological positions. It was just exactly what I expected in just about every way. What I didn't expect was I would like it. But I did.

I liked the professor. She had a delightful voice, a great sense of humor and a deliberate way of pacing her class. The theological discussion helped me better verbalize my own beliefs and convictions and it gave me a more profound understanding of the blessings we receive from generations that have gone before us. I could almost hear Paul's great cloud of witnesses there cheering us on.

I think God's timing is truly divine. I think even a year ago this would have been a negative experience, and I would have missed the glories of God revealed beyond my own limitations. It is an awesome and overwhelming feeling to think that God in his immenseness should care enough about me that he would grow me up and patiently reveals himself in ways I am able to absorb. Lest one think I am self absorbed enough to think God does this just for me, I am confident that God does this for all his children. I am just incredibly grateful he has allowed me to see it from time to time.

I don't think there is really a lot in theology to be confused by. He is God, we are not. What we learn and believe by faith is limited to what those minds we are so impressed by can absorb. And we walk in the footsteps truly of all who have gone before. What a gift.