James is Moving Up into my Zip code

A few years ago we took a group of youth to the Disciple NOW weekend.  I thought the band was pretty good, though the lead singer was suffering some with a sinus infection.  I thought it was well organized, I thought the facility was nice, I thought the volunteers were friendly and welcoming.  But my favorite part, honestly, was the young man from Memphis who was speaking.  I am telling you, he was the highlight of the two days for me.

I can't really remember anything he taught.  I don't think I remember what he looked like.  I vaguely remember that he seemed awfully young to be married and have children, but that was an "off to the side" response. What I loved about this guy was all of the euphemisms he used to describe people getting into his personal space.  He talked about staying out of his zip code, getting out of his sweet tea, dropping into his mailbox.  The more he said, the more I lost track of the message, trying frantically to get all of these expressions down so I could remember them forever!  What fun to sit in meetings and listen to others respond and say to myself, " uh uh, you get out of my sweet tea", even though I don't drink sweet tea.  Actually, not drinking sweet tea makes the whole thing a lot more amusing.

Here I am studying James.  I have always liked James, such a challenging couple of chapters.  For some reason though, this time through, James is all up in my zip code, moving straight through my sweet tea to deliver a letter to my mailbox.  Why do you suppose this is the case?!  He is pretty forthright, of course.  He must work the word deceive into every other sentence.  He says we have to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.  I will say that since I was a teenager, and was confronted with this verse for the first time, I have improved significantly in the listening department.  I have spent the last year practicing being the un-anxious presence, so I am better at not getting all hot and bothered quickly.  But that slow to speak thing, never have gotten a handle on that.  I continue to try, I have all kinds of behaviour modification practices that I occasionally remember to practice, but I am not good at this.  Still, generally, James and I muddle through okay.

The part about being tossed by every wave sometimes gets under my skin, because I routinely am.  I remind myself in the midst of my doubts, being blown and tossed, how on earth will I receive anything from God if I can't stand still, and sometimes that works and I even stand still.  Sometimes it doesn't, and I am forced to go back to the Psalms to remind God that he knew me in my mothers womb, and knew what a wind blown girl I was prone to be.  When I actually stand still in the midst of the storm, when the wind blows and the waves threaten,  with knocking knees and pure terror, I repeat to myself over and over again: I will put my trust in the Lord.  It isn't triumph I typically feel, just the awareness that if God isn't faithful, trustworthy, and true, I am sunk.  Somehow or another, so far anyway, he has always been all of those things.  Not that I haven't gotten soaked,  battered and bruised, but somehow I survive.  In survival, I find that at other times I can remember the previous battle, and once in a great while, I can do it again.

It is this part that is bothering me to no end: But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it, he will be blessed in what he does.   The perfect law that gives freedom.  The perfect law...love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind,  love your neighbor as you love yourself. ...gives freedom.  Then why am I not living free?  Paul says in Galatians that we have been called to freedom, and  because we are free we can love one another humbly.  So why is it again, that I am not doing that?

You can see why I am feeling a little like my sweet tea has been invaded.  Its a rather challenging thought as I ponder the lack of freedom in my soul.  Why the external has so much impact on the internal, where peace is quickly consumed by anxiety, where the behavior of others, like a remote control, can change my own.  Listen people. if we can be free, and are called to be free, why would we trade it in for the slavery of this mess?  John 8 tells us if the Son sets us free, we are free indeed.  I said yes to Jesus and stayed in bondage?  Here's a letter for my mailbox, I don't think so!  Galatians 5 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

I have heard that yokes are definitely out in the fashion world, and honestly, we are all about standing firm.  So lets pull up our big people panties, and look into the law that gives freedom, and what do you say we live like people who know what we are all about.  Can you imagine what that kind of freedom might do to the world we live in?  Transformation in my zip code - that's what I am talking about!

God Dances with me

A few weeks ago a random conversation became one of those moments when the light bulb over my head lit up.  I am often sorry we don't get those cartoon features that are so much fun on television.  Yesterday, a lady sitting across from me said, 'I think the bus is now arriving', meaning she just caught on to what was being discussed.  It was a warm and sunny afternoon, I was a little distracted anyway, and I imagined immediately over her head this huge school yellow school bus pulling up, the door opening and the understanding popping out the door, like 'I'm just a  Bill' from Schoolhouse Rock.  Remember him?  That cute little scroll with feet and some facial features?

But I digress.  During this conversation, the question 'when did you know that God delighted in you' arose.  Strangely enough, when the question was asked, my first thought was, I don't know that I could name a time that I knew God delighted in me.  I felt that slight uneasy feeling inside, like my mom was about to catch on that I am the one who keeps eating all the Archway Icebox Pecan cookies, when I remember my birthday last year.   I was at Camp Sumatanga in Alabama for the Spiritual Formation Academy when every day I would report to my covenant group, I don't really know how to describe how today was for me except God danced with me. 

God danced with me.  I saw thick heavy snow fall, covering the ground and all the trees, and  while I watched out the landscape become a wonderland, I heard a whispering in my heart was the conviction, I made it snow just for you!  Walking through the prayer labyrinth, arriving in the center, there God was, waiting with eager anticipation for me!  I woke up in the morning, fairly early, filled with the certainty that all night, while I slept, I had been watched over by a doting Parent.  I know this sounds like it is all about princess me, and after all I would love it to be all about princess me, but honestly the fun in that week was that I had done nothing to 'earn' God's presence or interest or even affection, God just wanted to dance with me.

And then the bus arrived, and running down the steps was 'I'm just a Bill' and I realized that this is what it means when the scriptures say God delights in us.  I know delight after all.  I have held a new grandson, and studied his incredible face, and nuzzled his sweet little neck, and I thought no one has ever beheld anyone as beautiful as this.   My precious grandson, two months old, has done nothing to 'deserve' being the object of delight.  He mostly sleeps and cries and goes to the bathroom, but I absolutely delight in him anyway.  In him I see the glorious wonders of life, the miracle of his father in my life, the amazing love of God who allows me to have this blessing. 

God delights in me.  I know this because I had a whole week when I was the recipient of pure delight, I have had a whole week where I felt pure delight in my amazing grandson, and because God said so.  That ought to be enough for anyone, but at the risk of sounding like a infomercial: Wait!  There's more!  Knowing that God delights in me leads me to the freedom from trying to work hard to keep His love.  I didn't earn the delight, I can't lose it.  I can stop trying so hard to make God happy, because after all, He just delights in me.  Since God delights in me, the affirmation of the people I am surrounded by is no longer a testimonial, just in case I need it.  Now it is just fun.  Wait!  There's more!  The complaints and rejection of the people around me isn't a vote off the island where God is concerned either.  It's just painful.  God not only still delights in me, God holds me when I hurt.  I don't know how anyone could ever need more than that.

Still wishing for those cartoon light bulbs, or 'I'm just a Bill' to come busting through the school bus doors, but for now anyway, I will settle for the delight in delight.  May I wish, for all of us, more days when God dances with us, for the intentional time to recognize and live into the freedom of delight,  for a precious grandchild with a soft neck to nuzzle, and just for, me a school bus to arrive carrying 'I'm just a Bill' with a love letter more often.  I delight in them!