I am in the Dear God category myself. It is not the Thanksgiving dinner part, I am looking forward to that and the company who will join us. It's not even the projects, I can see them coming to a close. Its the standing still in the middle of the tornado that is blowing through the church that has caused me to say, Dear God, what was I thinking! Let me say first and foremost, those who have counseled me through the years and said, " be careful what you pray for, God might just honor your prayers", were spot on! Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if I would listen when people talked to me?!
The Church is undergoing some much needed change. Within the mass of institution and religion and agenda and politics, there comes a soft but driving force for change. Five years ago it was a whisper, today it is a murmur and there is the sense in my bones that it will become an audible voice in my life time. There is a call for discipleship, for relationship, for the Kingdom of God and the rule of Christ to be spread now, today, not just in eternity. There is a hunger in the people God is calling into the faith for more: more love, more connection, more truth and more transformation. It is the most exciting, exhilarating time and as I watch the little sparks spread to something resembling renewal, I am dancing with anticipation. I am so grateful to see God move, to be faithful to the nurture and care of His people, even if His people are not all that faithful to Him. It is just awesome to see hope return, the lights on the hill shine even if the light is small and feeble.
So why the Dear God moment? Do you know how scary change can be?! I do! I can see the prayers I prayed over the years being answered, and while it delights my heart, it causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand up! Someone mentioned the Prayer of Jabez in Sunday School this week and I thought....oh my goodness, I prayed that prayer too! Oh that God would expand our territories still sounds remarkable, until I think what it might mean for me personally. I am sitting squarely between being scared of revival not coming, and revival coming very close!
Do not mistake my fear for regret. I am so excited that God, who has so many more delightful children who play better with others, loves me this much and allows me to see daily the Kingdom of God on earth. I will go forward in fear and trepidation, but I am going forward. I do not know how the road twists and turns ahead, but if the road behind me is any indication, I expect there will be lovely green places to rest and renew. I know there will be other places where the rocks are almost to big to get around, and there will be potholes you can get lost in. There will be times when the people who travel with me are delightful and times when one wonders why it is these people can't walk faster, slower or on another part of the road. Still, I would no sooner stay put than bungee jump! The hair stands up, the heart beats a little faster, and I remind myself that there is no place any of us will ever go that God has not gone on before. That He who is in us is greater than he that is in the world. And that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. You know, seems like God must have known what a timid creature I am, to have given me so many promised to cling too!
Dear God, it is a good thing you love me so much and so completely. You say you have known me from my mother's womb and have counted every hair on my head (and can I just share a good many of them seem to be falling out?) so all these personalities must not come as a surprise to you. I hope when the transformation is complete the fun personality will remain, the neurotic one is just so hard to take anywhere.
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