A Fork in the Road

Nothing like a return to academia to make you rekindle a love for writing!  Ha!  I crack myself up sometimes.  Still, all of those papers did remind me that a work that has been carefully worded, painstakingly edited, loving crafted, packs a punch.  Some of those sentences are so delicious, you can feast on them again and again.  That is missing when you just draw from your brain the random words that come to mind concerning a topic, a concept, or even a matter of heart.

A little over a year ago I started a new trail in leaving my job in resourcing and serving as a pastor in a local church.  I was not sure at all I had what it takes, and of course still testing the call with great fear and trembling.  Every single conversation was well considered, I was trying to be sure I knew that God was leading and I was following.  The scripture became more than even sermon prep, it became the source of encouragement, direction, affirmation, challenge.  I walked many a mile trying to be sure that God hadn't confused me with another, you know, more spiritual, better disciplined leader.  That scripture about not taking a seat at the head table, because it is humiliating to be asked to move, stays somewhere in my mind almost all of the time.

Today I stand a year on this trail, more convinced daily that God is leading and I am following faithfully, or as faithfully as a knucklehead can.  I am beginning to see new life peeking out at me in this place and that.  I see leaders evolving, stepping up, being willing to do the next thing.  I see transformation, and believe it is leading to more.  I see lives being touched, new faces hanging in, children coming in abundance.  Where there was once just a dream, now a vision begins to take form. The lost and the least are beginning to matter to us.  How amazing is our God!

I am recognizing seasons better by their themes.  The seasons that come with aging are hard, and painful, but also wonderful and carry their own delight.  Something about new life makes the value of old even higher.  The seasons of darkness, fear, chaos, loneliness have as much fruit as the seasons of light, happiness, community and direction.  All of it belongs, all of it speaks, all of it heals, restores, makes holy.  Our God is closer daily, though not always speaking in the same ways.  Be still, He whispers to my internal storms.  Peace.

The hunger grows.  The hunger to see the Kingdom come, in me as well as in others.  The desire to be better at what I do, more disciplined, more effective, more fruitful and faithful.  The urge to be great at what I do, pressing on for excellence, is a tension that keeps my prayer life growing.  Am I speaking the truth, God?  Have I heard you?  Can I say this better? Faster?  Do I live incarnation or just teach about it?  Learning to be focused on the main thing, and not distracted by every red herring, or rabbit, that crosses my path is great in conversation, theory, even study.  I find it really challenging in practicality.

This is not the end of the trail, only the very beginning.  I am living into where this trail is leading, but it feels like my trail now.  I look around so blessed by my companions, and I look up and believe that the Light that shines in the darkness is especially bright over my head.  I stand in awe of that magnitude of grace and mercy that flows in God's Kingdom. So let your light so shine that others will see the good work God is doing through you, and give Him all the praise and glory.

Making a new beginning, again! Begin again with me. How wonderful that that truly grace is new every morning, great is God's faithfulness.