Messy, Messy, Messy 2

I am tired of messy.   I am tired of mail that comes, and stays though no one will ever open it, or gain one insight from the hard work someone put in to develop, edit copy fold and stuff these documents.  This mail is placed carefully into a stack along with wedding invitations, or baby announcements, and catalogues, and the occasional newspaper until a new stack must be started.  One day, when my inability to endure it anymore meets a hole in the schedule, I will go through the stack, shaking my head over RSVPs that didn't get sent, baby gifts that are late, deep confusion over why I thought any of the rest was even stack worthy.

I  am really out of patience with people, and opinions, and those who clamor on about that which they admit they have no personal knowledge.  I am frustrated by the people who share opinions in vacuums, and even more irritated with people who re-share the opinions of people who have no real right to even hold an opinion in the first place.  I am desperately close to a full scale temper tantrum, in fact.  This is a different kind of stack and it needs sorting no less than the one of accumulated mail.

I remind my self that life is messy.  Faith is messy.  People are really messy.  There is no way to stay clean and be connected, and without connection there is no way to be the Body of Christ.  Darn it.

 I know what the organizer people say.  They say we should have one touch mail, and it stays or goes the moment we touch it.  This works by the way, if you happen to look at your mail every day.  If you are like me, this sometimes doesn't happen until the stack is threatening the neighborhood and a formal complaint has been made about you to the clutter police.  

I know what they say about people too.  We are supposed to remember everyone is a child of God, recognize that most of our annoyance is based on us not others, that we need to release all of that in Sabbath rest and start with a clean slate often.  Yes to all of that, it is all true.  But just as with the mail, often we don't realize we are hording emotions until, quite unsuspectingly, our heads spin around and pea soup come spewing forth. 

I think the bottom line for me is that means of grace are important, just like organizational systems are, but nothing will keep the world a neat and tidy place all of the time.  I need to journal more often, it is incredibly helpful in working out my thoughts on something.  Journaling more often wont keep me from being confused at times.  I need to go through the mail with more determination, but sometimes, in the midst of crazy weeks, the mail is going to stack up and there is going to be a pile.  All of those cards I bought, to let people know I was thinking of them, will not expire if my good intentions lead me to thinking more than sending.   I did think of them when I bought the card after all.  Is it essential they know that I was thinking of them this week?

It's just messy.  I will clean it up today, and tomorrow and a little more the next day.  Before you know it, there will be an attitude I failed to release, in fact I rolled up into it and got really comfortable.  There will be an RSVP that went unrsvped.   There will be an opinion that has no business being shared that will stumble into my line of vision, and I will have to stop and remind myself that I am not the opinion police. While everyone should be sitting around wondering what I think, very few are.  There will be no secret formula that makes it all neat and tidy all the time.  People who are have different issues altogether...just sayin.

So, good thing there is grace.  Grace is greater than all that messiness.  Grace is even greater than my need for order, and cleanliness, and good behavior.  Grace is even enough for me when a temper tantrum is right around the bend, and I have too many opinions of everyones opinion.  Jesus made it possible, the Spirit gives the ability, and the Father makes messy good.  Therein lies peace.  Good thing.

Passing on the mantle

I am not growing older.  I chose a number of years ago to stop having birthdays and elected to instead celebrate the anniversary of a birthday I enjoyed.  I stayed with 30 for sometime, then after enough time had gone by, I moved on to 35.  I think that this season recently expired and I am currently enjoying the celebration of birthday 39.  Amazing how many woman at my church are also celebrating the anniversary of their 39th birthday.  It must be a really fun year!

As anti aging as I am, I will begrudgingly admit that I have recently had the opportunity to watch someone who aged gracefully, lead beautifully, and retired again not in defeat or weakness, but with a sense of satisfaction and completion.   A year ago we were told we would have the leadership of a retired bishop for a one year interim until the next election.  There were opinions from the cheap seats in abundance.  This would be a lame duck year, nothing would be accomplished.  It would be one of the retired bishop that currently reside in our Conference and it would be awful.  It would be a wasted year.  HA!

One thing about the cheap seats, once their predictions are proven wrong, they are quick to disassociate themselves from all the others.  Who ever those others are.  Our retired bishop rode into town with all of the wisdom a long tenure in ministry ought to have conveyed.  We went from lame duck to visionary leader, and in just a few months change was already happening.  There were changes in leadership, vision, and purpose.  There was a quiet authority that listened well, decided firmly.  In one short year direction was begun that can be built upon for a hope and a future.  All this from a retired guy. 

A retired guy is still adding to the foundations for those who will follow.  In ten years from now we may not remember that this retired guy opened the door for health and vitality.  Who knows where we will be in twenty years, but if we are growing and making disciples and actively furthering the Kingdom of God, this guy will have been the catalyst that helped that happen.

 Legacy is a concept that has been overdone by the financial folks who want me to save all money for the next generation, when clearly the next generation should just go out and earn their own.  But legacy is not a gimmick, it is a means of grace for every single generation that follows.  As I type today I know I do so because there are women and men that have gone before me.  Good, bad, and the messy mix of both have helped to form and shape the way I think, the opportunities I have, my understanding of God, my understanding of worth, my perceptions of the world.  People I know, people I have only read about, people who influenced people who influenced me.  Legacy is the gift of aging, the mantle a means of grace. 

So, I am going to have to make room for that in my vision of life.  I may have to allow a few more year to pass under the anniversary radar to embrace that even I have the opportunity to contribute to the legacy for generations who will never even know I lived.  This is the power of the pond, ripples that move out from places no one remembers, and still impact life in the pool.  They don't happen when we are attempting to freeze time and miss the opportunity to make a splash.

What an awesome opportunity!  How could I miss this gift?!  Easily, who wants to be old?  Not me, that's for sure!  I can joyfully embrace the blessing of being a blessing though, of God using me in some small,  perhaps comic way, to share His love with the world.  I think that would make the wrinkles worthwhile.  But not the grey hair....good thing we can fix that.