Facing the Giants

I am a coward.  Truly, I am.  I have often dreamt of being brave, of odes written about my valor in battle, Goliath falling like a rock when I amble across the scenery.  But no, I would be the one sitting very quietly in the dark, hoping the someone will rescue me before the monster discovers me and eats me whole.  I hear they do that, and while I have never actually met anyone who could affirm this reality, I think it makes good sense to be cautious. 

So, Shakespeare blathering on about a coward dying a thousand death, a hero but once, is no doubt true.  The thing I was always pretty sure about though is that the hero goes down early.  Like those people in all of the murder mysteries...the program starts with them minding their own business, buying groceries, making phone calls.  Then they are dead.  Just one time, they went early and quick, and none of them appeared to me to be packed and ready to go!  Sure a coward has to do die a thousand deaths but comparatively, they are small and less dramatic.  The coward may be scared and panicking, but since they are at the back of the pack, in a tiny corner, under everything they can drag over themselves, they don't tend to go so early in the game.

But very seldom to you find people inspired by the coward.  There is much head shaking over cowards.  If I had a dime for every time some well meaning person asked me what I thought was in the darkness, I would be retired, hiding behind a huge fence, in some well lit cabin.  What do I think is in the dark?  My goodness people, do you never watch the news?  Or television?  Or read a book?  The dark is full of all those things that avoid the light.  Our parents know this instinctively.  It's why we all had curfews and had to get home before midnight.  Everyone knows th more dark, the more  out of control it is, turning well behaved teens into hormonal, out of control, savages.  Yet, they still shake their heads at me.  Where is the justice in that?!

Recently, I have been poking at one of the giants who lives inside my head.  I don't know his name, and yes of course all giants are masculine, but he has spent years messing with my vision.  Some amazing things percolate through my brain, you know.  Most should not be shared with even me, but every once in a great while there is deep profound good.  And while I am celebrating good, this giant fellow peeks his head out of whatever corner he lives in and he says, "you know, I don't think you should tell anyone that...it isn't really that good."   "Yes, it is," I always insist, because I am bossy by nature.  "Nope, I don't think it's that good.  You know, you are more of an amateur, a wannabe.  If you show anyone else that thing, they will be kind, but they will know that you don't do very good work.  You know how we want everyone to feel good about themselves, even though they aren't really all that good.  They will tell you that, to spare your feelings." " No sir," I always argue back.  "It's funny, or touching, or clever, or witty, or insightful." " No, no it's not.  I think you are being vain, yes, and more than that egotistical.  No one likes that.  You should stop.  Go back and organize something.  You are okay at that.  Not anything big though.  Sometimes you put things in the wrong places." 

I am a big grown up girl.  Why on earth haven't I murdered off this giant many years ago?  You know what happens without me finishing the dialogue.  In the end, I quit whatever I was doing, and I put it away, and if I happen to stumble across it later I think that wasn't bad, or else I think boy that's awful, how good it was that I didn't share it with anyone.  I don't know if it is good, bad or indifferent really, but I do know that this giant has had me eating out of his hands all of my life.  This is how a coward does it, runs and hides but never calls out that giant, face it down, and clear the ground so I can live in the Promised Land of the freedom that comes from being a child of God and a person of value. 

I am arming myself, and I am going to battle.  I am taking a huge flashlight, getting one of the enormous shield, and I am hiring a hit man to go with me.  Jesus and I are going to take on this giant and we aren't taking prisoners.  There will be no more placating, no more arguments.  Churchill once said that an appeaser goes on feeding a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.  I am not feeding that giant anymore, and I am not waiting for him to die of starvation.  I am inviting Jesus to name him and send him on his way, I guess the herd of pigs is optional.  The son of man does set us free, and I am ready to be free for sure. 

You know, it occurs to me that many others have their own giants to face down.  Perhaps, like me, dying the thousand deaths seemed so much better than the one big death to self, to fear, in losing our lives, to find them in Christ.  So come on world, stand up with me.  Lets put on the armor of God, and allow God to make us able to stand still and fight, instead of hiding and running.  I am seeing the fall of a thousand giants, and a lot more fun for God's people.  But lets do it in the light, okay? 

Bullies in the Church

I am particularly bad at tolerating some peculiarities in people.  It is a shameful confession to make.  By now I ought to be the poster adult for patience, and kindness, and understanding.  But alas no, I am a very slow study.  When people whine, or repeat themselves, or tell a story the same way Billy used to wander in Family Circle, it requires unceasing prayer to keep me from saying any of the things I think.  I worry that one day the filters that keep me from being ostracized, or locked up in the jacket with the real long sleeves, will be gone and in the middle of Walmart it will all roll out of my head.  Oh Lord, save me from such a moment.

Mostly, I am able to keep my lip zipped.  I know this is the highest and best, so I strive for at least silence if I cannot keep my mind nice.  However, I have no ability to withhold my thoughts when it comes to bullies.  I can not tolerate bullying for any reason under the sun.  If I see it, I am going to respond to it, even if doing so is clearly a really stupid thing to do.  I can't help it!  The injustice rolls over me in such a wave, I could no more ignore bullying than go immediately to the moon.  I have done all manner of dangerous things in response to a bully, including chasing one down the streets in Pittsburgh, or running my car right smack dab into a mob that was beating the snot out of a young man, or yelling at the drunk to move his car, when he was blocking the rest of us so his friends could get out.  These were all dopey things, but I am confident that if I were to come upon this again, I would probably react in the same way. 

Okay, I might not.  Now that I am a mature Christian, I probably wouldn't say to the man, with the car blocking my lane,  "listen, loser, move it or gather it up in an envelope and mail it home".   I see now that this is unkind and not helpful.  I might now say something like, "Sir, could you please move your car so that we might all have the opportunity to bless one another by offering hospitality?", which I suspect would be responded to in the same manner the first sentence was.  Maybe with more hostility, though.  I think that man believed I might put his car in an envelope and mail it home.  At the time, I thought so too.

The church is just filled to over flowing with bullies.  They are in all shapes and sizes, all ages and stages.  They hint they will be unable to support a program, or a pastor, or a person if they do not get what they want.  They are sometimes vague and gentle, sometimes loud and rude, sometimes covert, sometimes overt.  The bottom line is they force their own way by using whatever power base at their disposal and they succeed.  The church falls down like a house of cards, because they fear the consequences of what might happen if they don't.  This is so bad for the church, and so bad for the bullies.  Worse, it is so unfaithful.

So what to do, what to do, what to do.  I am sure that there has to be a happy place between me bullying bullies, and others letting the bullies win.  I know I am in the wrong, I know others are in the wrong.  So dear ones, how do we find that place where we can be faithful together?  If we are ever going to find the way, the time is now.  The world needs us to be the kind of people who truly can love everyone and stand up and do what Jesus asked us to do.  Bullies need to know that they will find love in the church, but not power.  People who cave have to know that they will find love in the church and the power of the Holy Spirit that will enable them to stand.  We will all win, when we remember that winning in the Kingdom is less about triumphing and more about surrendering. 

Losing your life to find it, loving others, and staying at peace as far as it depends on us is really hard work.  I wouldn't recommend it at all if it weren't for this:  Jesus said so.  That must mean something vitally important.  So, my sisters and brothers in the faith, let us stand together, and sacrifice together, and speak the truth in real love not pretend spirituality.  Let us hope that God will make us a means of grace that changes the hearts of those bullies in the church, and the hurting in the world.  More than 2000 years later, we stand with a great host of witnesses shouting encouragement.  If I can do it, anyone can.