So, it's me again, and I am lost. My sense of direction, being what it is, leads me into all sorts of unusual locations. More than once I have found myself to be someplace quite different from the location I intended. On occasion I have been rescued by perfect strangers, who come upon me and out of the goodness of their hearts, draw me maps, give me landmarks, and every once in awhile jump in their own vehicles and lead me back to where I was supposed to be all along.
I have been rescued by my family more times than I should admit out loud. I have been known to stop in the parking lot of a 7-11, to phone home and announce this geographic marker, as if this would make it easier to give me direction home. "I don't know, honey. It just say 7-11. Should I ask if they have a store number? Maybe that would help you?"
I have had times when I didn't get rescued, or at least not in the traditional sense. I have gotten to the end of nowhere and had to stop. Sometimes panicky, sometimes relieved, I have waited for enlightenment, rescue, a flicker of recognition. If none of those arrive, and my phone a friend option failed to pay off, and the GPS on my phone responds with "no location found", I have discovered that the best answer is to return from whence I came.
I will admit that this is not my favorite response. Retracing my steps seems like such a waste of resources. I like onward and upward, forward motion, land ahoy! Backing up, looking at the same scenery, wondering why the way back seems shorter than the way out, is hardly the stuff of inspiration. The return trip seems like failure somehow, after all who has ever heard of conquering heroes who went to battle, got lost and had to go back to the starting point again to find the country they are off to claim?!
So a humble Tigger, I back up and keeping driving back until I find where I started and try again. Sometimes I can't get quite all the way back, and I have to start again from a slightly different place. This is okay, if I know where the new location is, but if I have made myself lost on the way to finding myself...well it's just an oxymoron waiting for some place to land.
How can all of this here and there, lost and found, two steps forward, three steps back be helpful in anyway?! One lesson for sure is that I am never afraid that I wont find my way back anymore. I have practiced far too many times, I know you can, and will, be found so I don't panic like I once did. Now I enjoy the scenery more. Right around the corner I am going to be someplace I already know, so I am trying to see lost time as opportunity.
Another lesson learned: people are generally helpful when you need a hand, those you know and those you don't know. This is not always the case, though rarely has someone refused to redirect, and when they have it has never been my only option. On occasion, when I have been lost and ask for help, I discover my potential informant is equally lost. Finding direction with someone else is a lot more fun than finding help for yourself, it is a journey shared. I like when two lost souls team up in search of an obliging wizard.
You know, once I have been lost in an area, I am rarely lost there again. I may not remember everything, but enough to identify familiar landmarks, the place I was found from the last trip. The recognition and experience makes this something I own now. What ever part I mastered, I am now free to use.
Of course this is more than geographic discovery. This is the pathway that has been leading me further into the love of God. I will have to admit, I really don't have a good sense of direction where unconditional love is concerned. My understanding, my experiences, my lack of trust, leads me off into all kinds of weird directions. Earning, and deserving, or losing and unworthy, I understand! Grace, love from the heart of God, dependent only on God's character, this is a pathway I miss a lot. So often lost, I am discovering, if I sit still long enough enduring the fear, someone often comes along to rescue me. It may be a perfect stranger or someone who belongs to me. And in those times when rescue doesn't come, on my way back I learn another piece of 'real estate'. Strangely enough, I have been noticing lately that when I find my way back, it is further ahead than I remembered. Even the way back seems to be...well forward.
