It has been so long since I wrote anything, I nearly forgot my log in. I had to scramble to remember the password. Much too long. It isn't like I have stopped thinking, or even stopped recording thought. Only lately is has been all structure and organization and the creativity that my soul longs for has been about who is being called to do what. There are these times when the moments are very much centered in organization and structure.
This week there is a new season. It is a season of silence. It is a gift and I am soaking it in, every bit of it. I am enjoying the other members of the Spiritual Formation Academy, our covenant group and meal time conversations are wonderful. A diverse group but finding much commonality. Still what I am enjoying so much is the silence, the space and the place of my own. It's amusing really, with the two older boys on their own and all those bedrooms empty, it is still somehow a unique feeling to be surrounded by just my stuff. I have spent time finding places for it all. I like knowing I can put things where I like, I like knowing when I leave it will look just exactly this same way when i get back. I have been laying in bed with thoughts of my closet at home and ways to get that stuff more organized too. I think this might be sick, but it has been very comforting I have known for sometime that I work better in order, but because I am always doing seven things at the same time (the perfect number after all) it is hard to take the time to keep order. I think that Monk is too extreme but I sure would like to have some of his methodical approach to order. Hey, order is biblical you know, just read the books of the Law.
But the silences are sweet. I am not feeling pressured to experience anything in particular and I am not having "aha" moments in particular, but I am hearing new ideas picking up a word in the scripture I hadn't seen before and just enjoying the freedom of space. I am enjoying soaking in others reflections and once again find it amazing that people are able to share their hearts with relative strangers. It seems like such a foreign concept to me but I am being touched by what they write. They thoughts are being included into my silences. I don't know how this is so, but it is.
Those who know me best will find the thought of me being silent for 12 out of 24 hours and then choosing to be quiet in free time will wonder if I have a brain tumor or if someone left a pod by my bed. It is a foreign concept but it is a delightful season. The silence is full and warm and restful. Thanks be to God, miracles do exist!
Last night we reviewed our Myers Briggs tests and I haven't changed a bit. I am still a very solid ENTJ, all the way down the line. This appears to be in conflict with the love for silence. I started to thinking this over during the silence last night and decided it was too much work. I have decided that being is good for now. I expect the people will become more of my energy source as the Spirit fills me up and my need for solitude lessens, but I am content for now.
